Pinky's Tailing Box: a weekly Wednesday feature of At a Bottom Now for Gold...
Princess Greed: a Fairytale....
Gold bug, polish my silver bars--I want to see my face shining in them by morning.
You're in silver? You mean you haven't lost face yet...er--as you wish.
Gold bug, fill these with water.
If those market orders for Zappa get filled you won't need water because you'll already be splashed...er--as you wish.
Gold bug, fetch me that pinscher.
Your portfolio is so full of penny mining stock dogs I'm not sure which one to grab...er--as you wish.
5 Years Later...
My Princess, we are but poor resource stock performers...is there a village nearby--A-A-A-G-H!--we have her. Quickly now, on to the blue chip ship...when we're safely out of sight, we'll dispose of the her.
No one said anything about killing the girl.
When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you almost got elected senator of Massachusettes...and you, you're so stupid if you left now you'd be a giant tax write-off loss.
You forgot to floss.
Enough--I'm your boss...oo-o-o!
*
Then Vizzini says the girl comes to harm.
He's no one to cross in spite of his charm.
You have a gift for rhyme my giant friend.
Just get the ship going you two. And no more rhymes now. I mean it.
Gold at $800 an oz--I've never seen it.
Oo-o-o!
*
Despite what you think, the special prosecuter will find you and you'll all be hanged.
SPLASH!
She's jumped ship--go in after her...veer left, left!
We can't--it's too close to the fall elections.
S-H-R-I-E-K-!
Do you know what those are? Those are shrieking liber-eels. They always grow louder when Clinton's about to get attacked.
I got her.
No investment can catch blue chips now. Look! The cliffs of insanity!
Vizzini, we are being followed by a goldbug through these treacherous waters.
Naturally.
Vizzini, he's climbing the rope faster than we are.
Naturally.
Vizzini, the Dow is below 8400.
Inconceivable!!!
Grope that rope! We have to cover up faster--did I make it clear your job is at stake?
Mine or Clinton's?
The gold bug is still hanging on.
I'll cut the rope.
He's still there...
Gold didn't fall to new lows? Inconceivable!!! You finish him off. We'll head straight for the Geld-er hills.
I'm going to use my left hand--I don't want to beat him too fast.
You know what a hurry we're in to win an election. Okay, do it your way but move along.
*
Hello down there. I am in a hurry to kill you in the coming election--perhaps I could hand you a rope...what if I give you my word as a liberal?
I'm not a CNN pollster.
How about as an independent?
Throw it down.
My name is Inigo Montoya--prepare to die.
S-W-A-S-H! S-L-I-C-E! S-W-A-S-H!
You are good! Who are you?
No one of consequence.
I must know.
Get used to disappointment.
I already have--my tech stock mutual fund is down 30% this year.
S-W-A-S-H! S-L-I-C-E! S-W-A-S-H!
You have won. Kill me quickly.
Okay--I'll switch your remaining portfolio to penny mining stocks.
T-H-U-N-K!
*
S-M-A-S-H!
I could have killed you with that liberal sized stone.
Look, you hit that poor mouse.
Get off my back so I can see what I'm fighting. I'm choking...
As are most of the blue chips in your portfolio. Rest well and dream of large gold deposits.
*
So, gold bug, it is down to you and it is down to me. You have bested my giant and you have bested my liberal, but you are no match for my intellect.
You are wise?
Have you ever heard of Placer, Barrick, Newmont, and Freeport?
Yes.
McMoRan, er...moronic investments.
I suggest a battle of wits...smell this.
I don't smell anything.
It's solanum powder--a tasteless and odorless derivative of the nightshade family and considered one of the world's deadlier poisons. Which portfolio did I just contaminate with lethal derivatives?
That's simple. All I have to do is reason are you the sort of man who would poison his own portfolio or that of his enemy's. I know that you are a gold bug and I am a market bull, and the markets have been outperforming gold for years, so I would hardly choose the portfolio in front of you. But you must have known that being heavy in blue chips, I am wary of overvaluations and deteriorating company earnings due to Asia, wage pressures, and YK2 so I most certainly can't choose the portfolio in front of me.
Then you've decided then...
Not in the slightest. You must know that because of my intelligence, I would know that most gold sold in recent months was from Australia killing the POG and that low metals prices further errode the stability of the Aussie economy making it likely the Australian currency will weaken, adding to the Asian woes and precipitating further flight to quality to the US markets, so I most certainly can't choose the portfolio in front of you. But you also must have knew that I would know that Millenium fever, spreading nuclear capability to unstable Islamic governments, soon-to-come meteor showers that may take out half our satellite telecommunications, and currency devaluation in China due to La Ni¤a natural disasters might impact the price of gold spurring a spectacular short covering rally, so I most certainly can't choose the portfolio in front of me.
You're stalling.
Don't interrupt me! Where was I?
Australia.
Yes, as the Japanese, Australian, and other Asian currencies devalue, hoards of US treasury bonds will be dumped on the market, sending interest rates soaring and US equities in a tailspin, so I most certainly wouldn't choose the portfolio in front of me. But a 16 year gold overhang from potential Central Bank and Swiss bank sales coupled with continued fallout from the Bre-X scandal means I most certainly couldn't choose the portfolio in front of you.
Are you finished?
I haven't even begun to tap the vastness of my intellect. For with La Nina arriving, cold weather will spur heavy oil demand, sending oil prices to multi-year highs and undermining the dollar. Further, since the US is the lender of last resort to the IMF and since many of the IMF loans are to mismanaged, basket case economies, a backlash against the dollar and dollar denominated equities is inevitable and so I could never choose the portfolio in front of me. But with metals demand in Asia falling and the potential for Asian countries to become net sellers because of financial panic, I could never choose the portfolio in front of you.
You are trying to get me to give something away...
You fool--you've given everything away!
Well, with my holding gold the last five years, just about everything...
Look!
What?
It was nothing--swallow your porfolio.
SLURP
Fool! One of the most important lessons to learn is never get involved in derivatives in Asia, but only slightly less known is this: never try to outwit a stock market bull who's been right for the last 13 years!...
THUNK
How did you know where to put the poison?
I poisoned both portfolios my Princess. I've spent the last 5 years investing in pennystocks and precious metals building an immunity to to heavy losses.
$$$
From the Tailing box...
Dear At a Bottom Now for Gold:
Is gold really a relic? --Mystified
Dear Mystified:
Cross myself and hope to buy... --Whirlwind
Dear Pinky's Tailing Box:
So when is Zappa going to fly? --Frequent Flier
Dear Frequent Flier:
Go Greyhound. --Whirlwind
Questions about the PMs?
E-mail the Whirlwind at:
whirlwindbuyszappa@mindless.com |
