E'Lane, I thought you might find this interesting...
just found it on the Newswire:
AP Newswire (Nashville) - Thursday, August 27, 1998:
Nashville police have disclosed that they are looking for a woman of medium height and build with red hair, wearing a cheap blonde wig. The woman is wanted for questioning in connection with an incident that happened at the local racetrack on Saturday night. It is alleged that she physically accosted one of the drivers after the race and was threatening him with bodily harm after an unfortunate incident involving the victim and a favored driver of the woman. She was heard to use vile language and seen to repeatedly attempt physical abuse of the unwitting driver.
5 Police Officers were barely able to restrain her.
Witnesses to the incident mentioned that she was heard to utter several threats, but they all contained the same words: "Lorena Bobbit."
The matter has now been referred to the FBI. Inspector "Bird" Clousseau revealed that the language and colloquialisms used by the middle aged woman were indicative of an area resident. Inspector Bird, as he prefers to be called, hinted that this same woman may, in fact be connected to the infamous stock scam artists known as the "Rocketeers." "If she is who we think she is," confided Inspector Bird, "it may be the first public sighting of a member of the shadowy ring."
The Rocketeers have been blamed for all sorts activities that are not well understood, including the recent drastic drop in the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Though it is not known how one becomes a member of the Rocketeers, it is said that members include people from all walks of life and sections of the country. They are known to take on improbable aliases such as, RocketMan, Rocketeer1, Macker, Mr.D, E'Lane, Fuzzy, and Hangin' Long. Inspector Bird was adamant in his assertion that the Rocketeers were behind all things evil. He further went on to state, "I think we have our best case against Hangin' Long. We will make him prove it and if he isn't, its a clear case of false advertising."
Sources within the FBI stated that the woman wanted for the racetrack incident is the infamous E'Lane. E'Lane has made the FBI's "10 Most Wanted" list several times, but most recently for establishing a hugging ritual amongst the Rocketeers. When questioned, Inspector Bird was clearly agitated and made the following statement: "It is a disgusting and obscene behavior! We must put an end to it at all costs! It is downright Fascist!"
To date, the Rocketeers have eluded all pursuit. Famed Inspector Analyst10 and the dynamic duo, Inspectors Paul McGinnis and Valentine Wecht were forced into retirement due to their failure to put an end to the Rocketeers. |
