Try this:
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY : No, I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid
mistakes in one day?
ALFRED : I get up early.
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, sir.
TEACHER: And didn't i promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise,you didn't
have to keep yours.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
That's what I did.
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
DON : I hope you didn't either.
GARY : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about
your son.
FATHER : What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent deseases caused by
biting insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say "I am."
ELLEN : All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defence" and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX : The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over
defence before detail.
TEACHER: Toby, what are you doing under your desk?
TOBY : Didn't you tell us to read Dr.Jekyll and Hyde(hide)?
The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly
program. "There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium
this morning," he snapped.
"Wouldn't it be better to hear one at a time?"
A voice shouted, "Okay---you start."
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
NIT: Do you feel like a doughnut?
WIT: Of course not, do I look like one?
TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA : A new bike.
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for
another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.
TEACHERS : If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight
oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
TEACHER: Why are you late?
AMOS : I lost my quarter.
TEACHER: And why are you late, Oliver?
OLIVER: I was standing on it.
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
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