God is tired, worn out. So he speaks to St. Peter, "You know, I need a
vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"
St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter? It's
nice and warm there this time of the year."
God shakes His head before saying, "No. Too much gravity. You know
how that hurts my back."
"Hmmm," St. Peter reflects. "Well, how about Mercury?"
"No way!" God about screams. "It's way too hot for me there!"
"I've got it," St. Peter says, his face lighting up. "How about going
down to Earth for your vacation?"
Chuckling, God remarks, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago
I went There, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're
STILL talking About it!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a
fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting
for St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could
possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask
him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has
ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begins to wonder if they
really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it
all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together
forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in
Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we
also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard
onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find a
lawyer?"
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