Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide Message Board

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Pastimes : Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide

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To: Just My Opinion who wrote (4)	8/30/1998 9:22:00 PM
From: Stan	Read Replies (2) of 45

Dihydrogen monoxide sounds like the perfect candidate for a slow-acting poison. It's a substance which can take up to eighty years of ingestion to do the victim in, so it requires an exceptionally cruel and patient murderer to use it. Just think if you could harness such patience for good! Don't be hasty by trying to make the victim breathe it. This tips your hand and it's a sign of an amateur. Give it time. Do something else while you're waiting: go to college; get a career; marry; have kids and wait for the grandkids to have kids. Eventually your longsuffering will be rewarded. And you're not likely to get caught! (see below). Hydric acid could be administered in a variety of clever ways with no one being the wiser: "Here's a glass of water, my dear!" "Oh, would you like some . . . tea?" "No. Of course there's no arsenic in that glass of water. What do you think, I'm trying to kill you?!" "Yes, it's safe to drink. It's only water." All these ruses are useful because you don't have to feign sincerity. Consider its advantages: no odor (usually); delicious on hot days; no traces; cheap and widely available; overlooked by even the best forensic scientists and medical examiners in an autopsy. Even Quincy would miss it! Be careful that you're not trapped by your own scheme. Don't ever ingest dihydrogen monoxide. But then again, if you feel the need to develop an immunity have burnt toast or oyster crackers readily available. Emergency, bite-sized sponges may be helpful, although this technique is untested. . . .No, wait. Let me think. Stan

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