Bumper stickers!- A lot of new ones
I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving.
I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean
the guns.
They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!
I'm back by popular demand.
CAUTION! I drive like you do!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
WARNING: mental backup in progress.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.
I can only please one person a day, and today ain't your day...
(tomorrow ain't looking good either).
National Atheist's Day April 1
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
All generalizations are false.
Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
Life's a beach, and then you drown.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me
anyway.
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not
getting it done.
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to
leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
Grow your own dope. Plant a man.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
I'm not driving fast-just flying low.
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.
Welcome to California. Now go home!
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of
euphoria.
HANG-UP & DRIVE
BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. !!
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