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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (6663)9/2/1998 11:51:00 AM
From: Henry Volquardsen  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 
The top 33 things you would NEVER hear a Redneck say ever, no matter how
much they've had to drink, no matter how far from the South they've
wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening...

1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
2. Duct tape won't fix that.
3. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
4. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
5. We don't keep firearms in this house.
6. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
7. You can't feed that to the dog.
8. I thought Graceland was tacky.
9. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
10. Wrasslin's fake.
11. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
12. We're vegetarians.
13. Do you think my hair is too big?
14. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
15. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
16. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
17. Deer heads detract from the decor.
18. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
19. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
20. Trim the fat off that steak.
21. The tires on that truck are too big.
22. I've got it all on a floppy disk.
23. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
24. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
25. My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
26. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
27. Checkmate.
28. She's too old to be wearing a bikini.
29. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
30. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
31. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
32. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
33. Elvis who?
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