Oldies but goodies (hey, they're a coupla' my favorites; "humor" me!):
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A guy is digging around in his wife's jewelry box and finds an envelope containing a few kernels of corn and $15. Curious, he yells down the stairs, "Hey, honey, what's this envelope with the corn in it?"
"Dearest," she answers, "I need to be honest with you. I haven't always been faithful to you, as much as I've tried. When I've slipped, I remind myself of my love for you by putting a kernel of corn in that envelope. I'm sorry."
"I forgive you." the guy says. "Nobody's perfect. But what about the $15?"
"Well," replies the wife, "when corn gets to $3 a bushel, I sell it."
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Same guy goes golfing with his wife. As he's having a swig of beer, the little woman steps into the women's tee box, settles her ball and prepares to swing. The guy isn't paying attention, settles his ball and swings. Whacko! He caroms the ball right off the side of his poor sweetheart's head, dropping her like a gunny sack full of gravel.
The local investigator approaches the hapless husband. "Sir, I'm sorry about your loss; but I do need to ask you a couple of questions. It appears your wife was struck on the head by your golf ball?" "That's right, unfortunately.", says the husband.
"Something puzzles me.", continued the investigator. "When we were doing our examination, we found a golf ball wedged in your wife's butt crack on the outside of her skirt?"
"Yah," the guy says, "that was my mulligan."
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