ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES/ADS:
FATHERS DAY SALE: TAMPAX TAMPONS $5.99
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
BIG B BRAND PANTY LINERS, WITH BUILT IN FLASH -- 99cents
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART DOG
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG,
AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
TICKLE ME ELMO. NEW IN BOX. HARDLY TICKLED. $700
2 TINKLE ME ELMO DOLLS - BEST OFFER
BLACK FACE COWS, CALVES...ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
'83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
VALENTINES DAY SALE: TY-D-BOL BLUE TOSS-INS
STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC TANK
PUMPED.
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE - 89 cents
GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE
SMELL.
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME.
FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
CHARMIN ULTRA BATHROOM TISSUE -- BONELESS
NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at:
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG...LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT
AWHILE...BETTER BE A REWARD.
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE
IT!"
GET A LITTLE JOHN - THE TRAVELING URINAL - HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF
BEER.
PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
FOR RENT - VIBRATOR - WELL USED
CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER
NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED
BORDER COLLIE FEMALE TO A GOOD HOE. GOOD WITH CHILDREN.
WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN -- FROST FREE!
BARBIE COUNTRY RIDE -- (note: most dolls cannot pedal the bike).
'93 PONTIAC LEMONS - LOW MILES
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
FROZEN SOFT & GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS
AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100
KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME.
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING
AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON
HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE
CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE
DEAD.
THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE '50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY
TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING - $175.
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN
LEATHER.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300.
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER |
