My dear Blinker,
It was remiss of me not to acknowledge the difficulties of "foreign language" composition, which you so bravely attack head on. I know I could not come close to your level of accomplishment in any language other than my native tongue. I apologize for mocking your linguistic efforts, and this should not really have been a "moron" nomination.
But the comic contrast between the big build up of the "great formula" to increase one's winning percentage, and the final PS ("Sorry Folk's- So far the whole concept stinks.") really did make me laugh a lot. I hope it was deliberate!
Here is a sincere suggestion: I don't think the opacity of your output will be removed by dictionaries, or "editing facilities and proof reader attached."
You seem to aim for a high style and level of language that is very difficult to perfect. And if it is not perfectly done, the effect is sometimes comical.
I humbly recommend a "KISS" (Keep It Simple) approach to your writing. I recall that German speakers/writers/readers are accustomed to quite complex sentence structures, with agreements of case, person and gender spanning hundreds of words before the final blessed relief of a period. :-)
Think about your audience on the internet.
Busy people with many windows open on their screens, bouncing between e-mail, phone calls, three or four "real work" tasks, plus a quote screen and SI. Busy people with short attention spans who expect complex technical proposals to be condensed into a Powerpoint presentation of five bullets a page, no more than seven pages!
Here's a post (picked at random) that I just know I don't want to read:
#reply-5721882
Here's a person who almost always makes his point in two lines or less:
#reply-5716579
There are many "style books" that may be helpful to you. I happen to like "The Elements of Business Writing" by Blake and Bly.
Kevin |
