Oh, pinkie, I feel so sorry for you. All you can do is sling adjectives around like jealousy and envy, unhappy and poor. Rise above it if you can. Talk like a man (woman or child, whatever you are).
One last thing, you are not a member of the tribe, even if you physically are. There are certain things, called mitzvot, that we are to live by and you have not done a single one. Now, since there are 613 of them, you would think just being human, you could do at least one. Nope not you.
In the end, you have to live with yourself, and if your past behavior is an indication of your personality, then you have my pity. Don't think that all you really have to do is say an al het and all will be forgiven. Doesn't work that way pal!
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