j-From one of my "jokes" lists:
THE TRAGIC COMEDIE OF KING LEER
Scene 1. A forest glen.
Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.
Witch Tripp:
Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
I think I got the Creep in trouble.
Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
Could it be he broke some law?
Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!
Hark! Who trespasses so near?
Kenneth of Starr: 'Tis I, the Inquisitor. What
news?
Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening
speed, m'lord. The maiden Lewinsky, so
deeply embroil'd, is now join'd by the Lady
Willey in like pursuit. Daily tightens the noose
around the king.
Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good
counsel, and more moves than a chess board.
His public, well pleas'd with good news of
the economie, doth o'erlook much.
Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?
Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts
verifiable. Else he may elude me yet.
Witch Tripp: His dog Buddy, freshly neuter'd,
may bear his master harsh reproach. He may
consent to wearing a collar of our invention,
to survey the king at his ease. Dogs are much
accustom'd to insects. What's one more bug?
Starr: Good hag, I rely on you completely. I must
away.
(Exeunt Tripp and Starr)
Scene 2. The king's antechamber
Duke of McCurry: My Lord! I needs must speak
with you most urgently! The castle is
assaulted on all sides!
Leer: What would I not give for an hour's peace!
McCurry: An army of reporters is settled at thy
gate. They are press in name and press in
deed, for they press me daily, nay, hourly for
some explanation from thy lips.
Leer: Who is there among them?
McCurry: Lords Jennings, Brokaw, Rather,
Geraldo of Rivera and a host of others.
Methinks I spied the van from Hard Copy.
Leer: You cut me to the quick. Do they not
know that I am chaste?
McCurry: They insinuate that thou hast chased
too often.
Leer: Never have lies been so artfully stack'd
against a pure soul. Where is Lady Hillary?
McCurry: Her secretary doth report that she is
lock'd in her bath, saying over and over, "Why
can I not wash my hands of this guy?"
Leer: Oh cursed fate! I must be the most solitary
mortal in all creation. Never have I betrayed
m'lady's trust.
McCurry: Whatever.
(Enter Messenger)
Messenger: Good king, steel thy nerve. I bring a
missive from Kenneth of Starr, the Grand
Inquisitor.
Leer: Was ever a man as Starr-cross'd as I? Why
does this man conspire to afflict me thus? My
hand is unsteady. Read it to me.
Messenger: Let me see. He offers you his
regards, blah, blah, blah, then doth subpoena
you to appear at his chamber at Friday next,
to forswear again that thou tookst no liberties
with the Jones wench, who withdraweth not
her claims against you.
Leer: I have already so sworn!
McCurry: It would seem, m'lord, that the woeful
tale of Lady Willey rekindles old flames.
Leer: I kiss'd the woman on the forehead, as a
sign of my regard. Never was a king so
expos'd!
McCurry: Truer words were ne'er spoken.
Leer: I cannot think on't further. Leave me to my
own counsel.
(Exeunt Messenger and McCurry)
Leer: To be forthright, or not to be forthright,
that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the
mind to suffer the slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune, or just bag the whole thing
and teach law at a junior college.
(Enter Courtier)
Courtier: My liege, you are late for an appointed
meeting.
Leer: What's this?
Courtier: You were to interview a new assistant
at the stroke of two. She seems most capable,
and with rare intellect for one so young and
fair.
Leer: Well, tell her I will see her anon, and on,
and on.
Courtier: A most clever jest, my king.
Leer: Let us not tarry further.
(Exeunt Leer and courtier. Enter Buddy, from
behind a chair)
Buddy:
So dearest reader, I bid adieu.
Me seeth I have much to do.
And so it comes to this pretty pass.
To see if the king doth get some ....
Credit Curt Mann
J |
