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Talk : $5 and Under : Tokyo Joe's Cafe / Societe Anonyme/No Pennies
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To: S.C. Barnard (4650 )
From: Charlie
Thursday, Sep 24 1998 7:28PM ET
Reply # of 4653
The Last Day
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to
change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to
get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the
day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the
next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of
Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy,
promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell
me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor
apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an
affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight so I immediately
began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at
me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to
give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed
that there was a man hanging off the
edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out
onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the
ground. But wouldn't you know, he landed in some trees and
bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off
even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I
could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first
thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it
out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted
25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart
attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the
guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel
announced, "OK sir, Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and
let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's
surprise, it was Vernon Jordan. "Mr. Jordan, before I can let you
in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."
Jordan said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I
was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily
exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really
pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried
away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was
able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony below
mine. But all of a sudden, this crazy man comes out of his
apartment, starts cussing,
and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course, I fell. I hit some
trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't
die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground,
unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his
refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors
and lands on top of me killing me instantly."
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his
story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well sir," the angel announces. "Welcome to the
Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Vernon enter.
A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate.
The angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of
assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he
says "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you
died."
Clinton says "Okay picture this: I'm naked inside a
refrigerator..." |
