Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Two weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the
cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one,
naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for
a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each
other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost
an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental
medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked them to disperse. "But why?," they asked, as
they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting
under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on
his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the
book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows
readers digest and writers cramp.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He
sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the
puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these
alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a
wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me
crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very
simple. You're two tents."
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