FBN to rescue hedge fund, prevent market collapse
SEDONA AZ., Sept. 27 (Rooters) - FBN Associates today stepped forward as the mystery investor behind the billion-dollar bail-out of troubled hedge fund Short Term Investing and Fancy Footwork (STIFF).
A thinly-capitalized group of 14 commercial and investment banks had only been able to provide a miserly $3.5 billion in new equity, but the promise of a massive infusion of liquidity by FBN Associates appears to be the IOU that puts another quarter in the juke box of the 90's bull market.
The once high-flying fund, run by former Salomon "Solly" Struthers star bond trader John Meriwidow, managed to lose some $4 billion in recent weeks as bets in global bond markets turned poopy. The Federal Reserve Bank of New York was involved in negotiations between FBN and the fund's managers to provide the fund with new money.
''FBN believes that this infusion will help prevent certain solids from hitting the air conditioning devices in global financial markets which could result from a precipitous liquidation of the portfolio,'' said FBN CEO TEDennis.
"These guys work very hard to subsist on nothing but derivatives, swaps and flops. The crushing poverty and hardship in Greenwich, CT is a terrible thing, won't you please help? Just a billion a day could help a hedge fund manager crawl out of the deep dark hole he dug for himself, and prevent the retirement kitty of several Wall St CEO's from vanishing into a Black Schole forever." |
