*What California city can't Bill get off his mind lately?
Scent O' Monica
* Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird?
The Spread Eagle
* How many White House interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they're too busy screwing the President.
* What is Clinton's favorite toy?
An Erector Set.
* What is Clinton's favorite card game?
Poker.
* What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
An intern with braces.
* How did they finally bust Clinton?
Monica finally coughed up the evidence.
* During Nixon's administration we had a crisis involving "Tricky Dicky".
Now we have a crisis involving "Licky Dicky".
* What's Slick Willie's new nickname?
President-Erect.
* What do the Nixon Whitehouse and the Clinton Whitehouse have in common?
Two Dicks out of control.
* What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Hilary?
"My little Buttercup".
*What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Monica?
"My little Suction Cup".
* Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is now working for 7-11?
She is endorsing the "Big Gulp."
* Why does Clinton swim naked in the White House Pool?
He is trolling for interns.
* What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name?
Unibanger.
* Why can't they prove anything in the Monica Lewinsky case?
She swallowed the evidence.
* How did Bill reply regarding questions of 'Coaching" Monica's
testimony?
"It wasn't words that I put in her mouth!"
* Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
The Nation.
* What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon and
Bill
Clinton?
Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth and Clinton
doesn't know the difference.
* What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton Wishes he had?
A dead Girlfriend and an Ex-wife.
* Have you heard about the new presidential limousine?
It's called the Pervertable... the top goes up and the intern goes down.
* Why is Clinton's approval rating so high?
Because Monica was taking the pole.
* What's the new press name for the latest Presidential Scandal?
Fornigate.
* What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House?
Missionary.
*What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff."
*If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a
Spelling Contest, Which one would win?
Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that Harass is one word.
*What is the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
We know how many went down on the Titanic.
*What is the most popular game at the White House?
Swallow the leader.
*What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a greedy
politician?
Chelsea!
*What movie does Bill Clinton show to seduce White House interns?
Free Willy.
*What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
His faces.
*Why does Hillary Clinton wear high collared blouses?
So you won't see her Adam's apple move when Bill talks.
*In a survey of American Women, when asked, "Would you sleep with
President
Clinton," 86% replied, "Not again!"
*Bill: "I didn't tell her to lie in the DEPOSITION... I told her to lie
in
THAT there position!"
*Clinton hired Johnny Cochran for his defense. The new line is .....
"If she spit, you must acquit!"
*The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a
beer
at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so
he
was able to dodge it.
*The President got a dog so that Hillary wouldn't be confused when she
walked
past the Oval Office and heard, "Roll over, Sit, Stay. Good. Now here's
your
bone."
*One day, Chelsea Clinton asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales start with
Once
upon a time'?"
Bill answered, "No, some start with, 'After I'm elected..."
*Bill Clinton is jogging around and tells a Secret Service man, "I can't
wait to get back to the White House so I can rip Monica's panties off!"
The serviceman replied, "Aren't you a bit frisky sir?"
Bill says, "Nah... they're just riding up my crack!"
*Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The
umpire walks up to the VIP section and says something. Suddenly Clinton grabs
Hillary by the collar and throws her over the wall onto the field. The
stunned umpire shouts, "No, Mr. President! I said, Throw the first
Pitch!"
|
