***************OT*****************
Kemble, you don't seem like you need cheering up
but I thought you'd get a kick outta this:
Crash Course on Etiquette/ For Rednecks! (Puns Are Intentional)
On Driving:
**When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
**Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. Most consider
it unsafe, if not downright stupid...
**When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to ask her to bring back beer.
**Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially while
driving.
On Personal Hygiene:
**It is best to partake in some form of personal hygiene.
**Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a
hand-me-down item.
**While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN keys.
**The same goes with biting and picking one's toenails. And never
should one partake in this personal endeavor at the dinner table.
While Entertaining in Your Home:
**Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good
his manners are.
On Dating:
**If you go fishing, always offer to bait your date's hook, especially
on the first date.
**Be aggressive yet polite. Let her know you are interested: "I've
been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's
bathroom wall two years ago."
**If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water
tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in
frustration.
On Attending The Theatre:
**For the best enjoyment for all, crying babies should be taken to the
lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
**Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.
On Wedding Attendance:
**Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
**If you are so honored to be the groom, it is best to refrain from
bringing a date.
**When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
It's just too hard to explain...
Etiquette for All Occasions:
**Never take alcohol to a job interview, and especially don't offer it
to the interviewer.
**It's considered tacky to take a cooler or bottle to church.
**Always try to identify people in your yard before shooting them.
**Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's
considered tacky to drive the U-Haul van in the funeral procession. |
