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Pastimes : BARDonics (comical interpretation and perspective)
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To: Harley Davidson who wrote (641)10/10/1998 3:18:00 PM
From: Patric  Read Replies (1) of 733
 
Thought this post deserved a spot on this thread:

Message 5976872 :

To: Sam LBI nj (7785 )
From: MskiHntr
Friday, Oct 9 1998 8:04PM ET
Reply # of 7835

Sam and all members of the thread I ran across the following which I think will be of
immeasurable help in deciphering any future posts that Dixie makes in his somewhat
convoluted style.

Improved English Spelling

The European Commission just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the
other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in
plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants
jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This
should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have less letters.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and
they should go away. By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv
to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with"v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vordskontaiining "ou"
and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ACHTUNG! ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

Ve haf also decided zat driving vil be changed to ze oposit sid of ze road. Ze irst year ve
vil change over ze truks and buses.

Best, Joe
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