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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi

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To: Gauguin who wrote (13467)	10/13/1998 12:46:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (6) of 71178

I'm sure hookers find you most attractive. We are in deep depression here at hte Westbrook household. I am hanging black crepe. Blue has been gone for three days. He never is gone longer than an hour or farther than half a block from his food dish, becasue when you're that big, malnutrition sets in quickly. I've called the police and the pound and every clinic. THis is terrible. I keep thinking that someone has stolen him for a Black Mass --it's almost Halloween.... Boston was very damp. We had a great weekend although i have a few minor injuries to show for it. Sat. night KC and her husband and I stuffed lobsters and drank a lot of wine. By the time KC and I gave up about 2, I could hardly find the bedroom. I was sleeping in their daughter's room (she's in college) and woke up after a few hours to see a pale ghostly figure hovering next to the bed. I screamed and then, intent on preserving my virtue, I kicked it in the groin and nearly broke my foot-it was a lifesize poster of the Beastie Boys on the wall next to the bed. THey're really scary in the dark. Why would anyone want them staring at her all night long? Teenagers are so strange. It could have been Nicholas Cage; I wouldn't have kicked him. Then I almost missed my flight because we ran into a COlumbus Day parade in Boston- I guess they haven't heard that he's no longer a hero, only a greedy self-promoter and exploiter of innocent natives. We watched all the high school bands go by. And the Fire Dept and the American Legion and the entire population of Italy which has relocated here apparently. KC drops me off with ten minutes to spare and I tear into the terminal. So I'm running dragging my squeaky little wheelie suitcase behind me and this guy stops right in front of me and I try not to run into him but I trip and fall flat on my face. Only it's not like a graceful plop--I slide about ten feet into someone else. I heard applause. All these men ran over and are trying to help me up like I'm this little old lady. They kept saying, "My GOD! Are you all right??" And I kept muttering, "Shhh-yes--shut up! I'm ok--" Completely totally embarrassed. Still clutching my suitcase. And I'm trying to get to the gate because it's last call and as I take off again, this guy yells "Hey! Great slide! I think you were safe!" I was so humiliated, I didn't realize til I got on the plane that my knee was turning all black and swelling. The boys said they were really glad they weren't there. They would've had to pretend not to know me.

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