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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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To: iGregor who wrote (7412)10/21/1998 11:58:00 AM
From: Anthony Graham Poyser  Read Replies (10) of 62542
 
A few jokes coming up. I hope this one translates OK from UK English...

Authentic (allegedly) complaints received by Local Councils from their
>>Tenants:

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
>> nob off.
>>
>> I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
>>Put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
>>
>> Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my
>> fence. Not only is this making a hell of a noise, but the fence is now
>> sagging in the middle.
>>
>> This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next
>>door.
>>
>> I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the
>>wall.
>>
>> I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside
>> toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
>>
>> I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
>>
>> The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
>> cleared.
>>
>> Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour
>>and not fit to drink.
>>
>> Would you please send a man to repair my spout, I am an old age
>> pensioner and need it straight away.
>>
>> I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at
>> 5.30 his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much. It's all right
>>when my husband is on day-shift, but when he's on back-shifts or nights
>I
>>get it several times a week from Mr Docherty next door and at my age
>it's
>> too much.
>>
>> The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
>> unsightly and dangerous.
>>
>> Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a
>> third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
>>
>> The toilet seat is cracked - where do I stand?
>>
>> I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased
>>If you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top
>>of me every night.
>>
>> Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the
>> wife.
>>
>> Can you send a carpenter to the house. When the woman next door closed
>> the door the other night, she pulled at my knob too hard and now it's
>> ready to fall off.
>>
>>
>>
>>I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but
>>still have no satisfaction.
>>
>> We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden
>> before we move into the house.
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