Pinky's Tailing Box: a weekly Wednesday feature of At a Bottom Now for Gold...
Pleasure before Business? Clinton Style.
Condoms, Copiers Clearly College Concerns...
Contemplating the installation of condom machines on campuses across academia, I confess a cautious reservation towards condoning such an affair. Ethics are usually cited in connection with controversies of personal conduct, but there are a couple of issues at stake that go deeper still.
First, it could be argued that it is working copier machines which our universities lack. Where, one might ask, would long lines of desperately driven disgruntled customers most likely be found? In front of condom machines or copy machines? Why should college administrators adopt a policy facilitating student attempts to avoid reproduction on the one hand, while hardly lifting a finger to help those in need of reproducing on the other?
Ironically, condom machines out of contraceptives can result in reproduction while copy machines out of paper cannot. Then too, students and faculty often encounter working copiers well stocked with paper, only to find "out of order" the change machines needed to cash their crumpled currency into hard, cold, clad coinage. In any case, copies and coins should come before condoms.
A second point that must be brought up here is the subtle conspiracy underfoot among vendors to create a selection of machines void of alliterative alternatives. Note carefully--they all begin with the letter "C." And with the exception of coin and copy machines, they tend to hawk products and services of dubious value.
Coffee and cocoa machines cater to caffeine and calorie junkies.
Candy bar and other confectionary machines contain concoctions of cavity producing sugars, including glucose, sucrose, lactose, and additional complex crystalline carbohydrates.
Coke machines combine caffeine with sugar cane derived saccharose in carbonated cohabitation.
Cigarette machines cough up tobacco mixtures for nicotine addicts.
Perhaps it's time we as a society went cold turkey on vending machines altogether. The coin changers and copiers often don't work anyway, and the others, carnal in nature, are at best of marginal concern.
As for condoms, compared to vending machines as a whole, those stocked with birth control devices can hardly claim cardinal importance.
In closing, vended distribution of condoms on college campuses encourages copulation among students, distracting them from classes and coursework. The academic consequences are all too clear--more "C"'s.
$$$
From the Tailing Box...
Dear Whirlwind:
Things seem to be moving a bit. Will Vancouver ever recover? --No Hope from New Hampshire
Dear NH:
A better question yet--will the recovery in the juniors Vancouver? --Whirlwind
Dear Pinky's Tailing Box:
Zappa's up a penny today--what happened? --Ghost Rider
Dear Ghost Rider:
I paid too much. --Whirlwind
Comments at whirlwindbuyszappa@mindless.com |
