Joe B.,
I have a few contributions for this thread from the library. Here's one.
The french novelist Balzac (1799-1850) told of one saintly Sister Petronilla who, for one penitent reason or another refused to visit the loo. Finally, her penance performed, she was compelled to visit the topic of this thread for the first time in eight months so she decided...
to go to the golden closet, and go she did. When she got there, she hitched up her skirts well and set to work in the proper posture for what we poor sinners produce a bit more often. But she got no greater easement than the emergence of the beginning of the solid matter, after which it kept her panting, without the rest once emerging from the container. For all that she wriggled her bum, and scowling, compressed this and that spring of her inner works, her eight-months' tenant tenaciously preferred to stay in that beatified body, doing no more than poke his head out of the natural window like a froggie taking the air, devoid of such sense of vocation as might prompt it to tumble among all the others in the vale of wretchedness...
When the good saint had exhausted every method of coercion, including dilation of the gluteal muscles beyond measure and distention of the facial tendons till her cheeks bulged purple, she realized that there was no worse suffering in the world..."Dear Lord!" she cried (heaving harder still), "but I'm making a gift of it to Ye!"
Jerard P |
