Sam,
That was a powerful post, and I respect the honesty you demonstrated in sharing it.
Here's an object lesson I recently learned, and am still trying to absorb:
I cut the grass one day. After I finished I didn't put the lawnmower back under my house. For several days when I'd water my garden I would look at the lawnmower and tell myself to put it away--but I'r rush off to thew studio and leave it out . Several days later I looked down from my bedroom window and the lawnmower was gone. Someone had come into my fenced backyard and stolen it. I was upset.It was a new lawn mower. I told my neighbor about it,". . .friggin thieves came into my yard and stole my friggin lawnmower--can you believe it?!" I was disappointed in my neighborhood. I had loved my neighborhood, and now this!
"It must have been one of those neighborhood guys I hired to clean the gutters. I'll never hire anyone other than a professional to do work at my house, no matter the sob story some guy gives me. That's final."
A few days later, a man came up to the house asking if he could rake my leaves. "Hell no man, somebody stole my lawnmower, and I'm never hiring anyone from the neighborhood again! " Made me not want to trust people I saw all the time, made me look at them and ask myself, "Was it him? Could've been." DAMN.
Grass was growing high. No mower, but at least I could rake some leaves so I looked under the house for my rake. Lawnmower said, "Hello, where the hell have you been? We need to cut the grass--it's getting kind of high ya know." The lawnmower! The lawnmower!
Lesson 1: Don't drink too many beers before you put away your lawnmower.
Lesson 2: We often believe we've had something stolen, something taken from us (emotionally, physically, or spiritually), and that anger, guilt, shame . . . pollutes our minds until we realize (when we "look inside") that we never lost "it" to begin with. "It" was in our "house" the whole time.
Rick
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