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Pastimes : Jokes
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To: Harold Feller who wrote (837)11/3/1998 1:25:00 PM
From: treetopflier  Read Replies (1) of 2733
 
Alcohol Warnings

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol
bottles, such as:

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings likethish.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5.5 WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to lose you wallet, car keys, and car.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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