MEN FIGHT BACK
>
>How many men does it take to open a beer?
>None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
>
>Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a
>woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to
>support you...
>
>Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
>How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
>When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
>
>How do you fix a woman's watch?
>You don't. There's a clock on the stove!
>
>Why do men pass gas more than women?
>Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
>
>Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're gonna
want
>to shoot it...
>
>If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
>the front door, who do you let in first?
>The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
>
>All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell
>them apart...
>
>What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>A woman that won't do what she's told...
>
>I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>
>I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt
>her...
>
>What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
>Divorced...
>
>Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
>
>Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive
> by 90%... Wedding cake...
>
>Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and
suffering...
>
>The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
>I said, "Dust!"
>
>In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man
>and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man
has
>rested...
>
>My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state
>troopers and a dog...
>
>Why do men die before their wives?
>They want to...
>
>What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
>About 5 drinks...
>
>A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive
and
>said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and
>said,"God, I wish I had your willpower."
>
>Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
>Two mothers-in-law...
>
>Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
man
>doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in
every
>country, son...
>
>A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he
>received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have
>mine."
>
>The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
>it once...
>
>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
>with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
>
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