WORDS FROM WOMEN
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde.
--- Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see
a smart woman with a dumb guy.
--- Erica Jong
How about ANY woman with Mike Tyson??????????????
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends
told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything
that feels GOOD for 36 hours.
--- Rita Rudner
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my
job.
--- Roseanne
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We
can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
--- Rita Rudner
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That
was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
--- Susie Loucks
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho
and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"
--- Judy Tenuta
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant.
--- Carol Leifer
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
--- Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to.
--- Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
--- Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
--- Roseanne
I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door
to
an amusement park.
--- Dolly Parton
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's
because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know
THAT?
--- Wendy Liebman
I think-therefore I'm single.
--- Lizz Winstead
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade another country.
--- Elayne Boosler
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
--- Gilda Radner
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
--- Maryon Pearson
Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an
assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly
promoted as a male schlemiel.
--- Bella Abzug
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything
done, ask a woman.
--- Margaret Thatcher
If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose
Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary.
--- Margaret Atwood
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage
and a career.
--- Gloria Steinem
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
--- Gloria Steinem
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps
they should live next door and just visit now and then.
--- Katharine Hepburn
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which
growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat
that comes home late at night."
--- Marie Corelli
Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
--- Baroness Edith Summerskill
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your
neck?
--- Linda Ellerbee
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his
house.
--- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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