it seems to be right on. smashing the grids. freak accident no. > 1998 DARWIN AWARDS > >They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the >Darwin Award - It's an annual honor given to the person who >provided the human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in >the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year >has been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their >whole lives for this event! > > > DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES > >1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and >drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through >an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. > >2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who >"totally zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally >jogged off a 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run. > >3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he >had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers >said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from >the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom >Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet >of sand. People on the beach, on the Outer Banks, used their hands >and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of >Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. >It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free >him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a >hospital. > >4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, >as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he >was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he >had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of >his >skull as he hit the floor. > >5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, >20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey >Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not >penetrate the flakvest Berrena was wearing. > >6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in >Selbyville, Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a >revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the >trigger. > >7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel >Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus >earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their >snowmobiles. > >8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff >near Ozark, Ark, after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that >marked the spot where another person had fallen to his death in >1990. > > DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS >1. In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a >millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted >off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, >fracturing his skull. > >2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to >clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in >favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first >and second floors of his house. > >3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in >September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a >quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While >driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and >tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they >apparently failed to notice that the window was closed. > >4. Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an >annual festival in November includes five days of amateur >bullfighting. This year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were >injured, >including one gored in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one
>participant, "It's just one bull against [a town of] a thousand >Morons." > >AND THE WINNER: >PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt >fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative >and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the >plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly - and suffocated the keeper >under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was >attempting >to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast >unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. > >"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked >Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock >and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his >bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police >detective Erik Dern. >"With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least >an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he >suffocated. >It seems to be just one of those freak accidents."
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