Pinky's Tailing Box: FRIDAY THE 13th edition...
...white HOUSE I #=0...
Hilary: Bill, have you seen Chelsea?
Bill: She was in the press pool last I saw her Dear...
...weeks later...
Hilary: You have never done anything in your life to hurt me Bill until now...I'll never forgive you for losing our daughter. I'm leaving you.
Bill: You didn't have to tell me that Dear--I just saw your latest poll readings and you're down 30% today...hey what's that knocking sound in my closet at midnight?
Hilary: So all the stories were true--you'll never see me again till I see Chelsea. Claro?
Bill: Si, and great political idea about being seen speaking more Spanish.
...months later...
Al Gore: Hi Bill. Remember me, your neighbor Al? I've been your biggest fan ever since I got next in line to occupy your house.
Bill: Well Al, I'm kind of busy right now--I expect something to be waiting for me in my Oval Office closet at midnight and I have to get ready for it.
Al Gore: Like what?
Bill: Well, something with knockers.
Al Gore: Why you sly dog...see you later...
...midnight...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK...
Bill: Come on Bill--you got enough courage to open a tweaky little door.
SQUE-A-A-A-K!!! CLICK!!! A-A-A-A-R-R-R-R-H-H-H!!!!
Bill: HELP! HELP! DARN!..It's Friday night--the night the Secret Service knows enough to give me privacy so I can get some work done around here...
...next morning...
Bill: Thank goodness I was able to push that horrible insect back inside the closet...
...that afternoon...
...ring-a-ling-a-ling...
Bill: Oh hi Mr. Heston. You know you have always been one of my favorite actors. Thanks a lot for sending over your favorite 12 guage pump shotgun...thanks again, bye...
DING DONG!!!
Bill: My, it's Hilary...no.. it's the evil force in this house tricking me...
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Bill: Oh no, police sirens. I'll hide the monster in the Lincon Bedroom...there...now don't forget--that's 100,000 a night.
DING DONG!!!
Bill: Yes?
DC Policeman: Mr. President, I'm Officer Blake and I have a few questions Sir. Did you fire a weapon?
Bill: I experimented a time or with two firing my weapon. I didn't like it, I never pulled the trigger and I never tried it again...hey, how long have you been on the force?
Officer Blake: Two years Sir--thanks for the job...that will be all Sir.
Al Gore: Hey neighbor--you look wore out and your leg is limping isn't it?
Bill: Just practicing my golf swing a little too enthusiastically with my Pro-Am buddies. Hey, could you come over at midnight and help me take care of a 'coon in my closet?
Al Gore: What????
Bill: A 'coon. You know--a cute little thing whose PRIMARY COLOR is black
Al Gore: Oh my...(mumbles)...the stories were true...er, sure--I'll be there...(mumbles) just to make sure you stay out of trouble...
...five minutes to midnight...
Bill: Now here's a harpoon-gun.
Al Gore: Are you crazy Bill?
Bill: Just shoot when I open the door...
...BONG...CR-E-A-A-A-K...
A-A-A-A-A-A-G-G-G-G-H-H-H-H-H-H!!!!!!
Al Gore: YIKES!!!!
Bill: Shoot!
SWISH!!!
Al Gore: What do I do now????!!!!
Bill: What is this thing Al?
Al Gore: It's a gold bug.
Bill: We did it--it's locked back in the closet wounded...
...days later while the President writes his Viet Nam War era memoirs...
Ghost of Vengeful Vet (appears): I'm coming to get you Bill--I'll never forget how you finked out on us in 'Nam...
Bill: How did you get here???
Vet1s Ghost: Through the Kennedy Portrait.
Bill (pulls picture aside and black hole appears)...Why, the hole seems to go on to infinity...what is this?
Ghost: You fool, it's all the National Debt seen at once--much of it has been masked for years by loose monetary policies and the grave robbing of the Social Security Trust Fund.
Bill: I'm not a coward--I'm coming down...why, it's turned into a jungle. Chelsea--is that you?!!! But, you're surrounded by Men In Black and not in a bamboo cage like according to the HOUSE I script that I'm supposed to rescue you from...
Vet's Ghost: Sorry Mr. President--It was a last minute change on my part in the script. Chelsea obviously looks much more caged being smothered by all these agents...
Bill: Oops--a fire's breaking out--quick Chelsea...this way!!!...
...We got out alive, but the white HOUSE is burning. Shucks, the last time it burned this bad Clinton was VP. Now that's spooky.
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