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Technology Stocks : Compaq

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To: rupert1 who wrote (36704)	11/16/1998 8:32:00 PM
From: rupert1	Read Replies (2) of 97611

NEWS - Compaq announce new killer application to be installed in all models including laptops. "InsomniaticMan123" involves a virtual 3D image of EP summarising the happenings of the day in the CPQ empire with a personal action plan for each user for the next day, week, month and decade. InsominaticMan123 switches itself on at a time determined by the company, adjusted for the time zone, socio-economic and marital status of the client, his or her age and golfing handicap. "Our new strategy of customer ownership", said EP today as he knocked back a few beers in Harvey's - a notorious dive frequented by compulsive Dellphobiatics - "requires that we inject some rationality and discipline into the behaviour of our clients. To enhance the efficiency of their lives and calibrate them with the product cycle and inventory levels of the company we will endeavour to control when they retire and when they rise each day." Showing his customary tight control of his emotions, EP said "The customer is mine ....ours...I..we OWN them ....don't they know that....they must be made to understand....they must OBEY........" zzzzzzzzz

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