<I can't believe you grounded Briana. May I ask what the transgression was, just in general terms?>
Del, it was my husband who actually grounded Briana. Well, grounded is not exactly right, because she isn't allowed to go out on her own yet, anyway. What he did was take away television and telephone privileges. She promises that she will do her chores around the house, and then just doesn't. This happened repeatedly, to the point where he just lost patience with her, because she gave him her word. And now we have a rule that she needs to finish her homework before she talks on the phone at all, as well.
He thinks that I have been so lenient, kind and understanding over the years that she "has me figured for a mug" to use an Irish phrase. I always give her the benefit of the doubt, try to understand where she is coming from, etc. He says I am just making excuses for her.
I think children and teenagers need structure in their lives, and that teens need a good amount of supervision. As she shows me that she is mature and responsible, she is rewarded with more freedom and responsibility. Unfortunately, in some ways she is very innocent and impulsive. We dropped her at school last week, and she got out of the right side and started to go to the little corner market where the kids hang out. Then she noticed her best friend on the other side of the street, and suddenly bolted in front of the car without looking or thinking. It was really five-year-old behavior. We almost ran over our own daughter!
At home, she leaves the oven on for hours after the cookies or whatever are baked, and leaves the front and back doors open sometimes. We live in a big city, where you really need to be always aware of safety issues, and she is not. I guess I should add that she has already had two complete courses of self defense training from a therapist who has written several books and is a radical feminist and president of the California chapter of NOW. I couldn't have asked for a more qualified teacher! So I don't really think she is mature enough to be at home on her own. Consequently, even though she is a freshman in high school, we take her to school and pick her up afterwards. In a few months she can take drivers' training, but she is so spacey and easily distracted that I am concerned that she would be fiddling with a CD and end up dead in a car accident, maybe taking several innocent people along with her. This happened to the eighteen-year-old nephew of a woman at work. He was an honors student who was just starting college. What a waste!! I really need to see more concentration and awareness from her before I give her car keys.
Sometimes I wonder if Briana was not somehow very subtly damaged neurologically when I was in labor. It was a badly managed labor, and lasted 72 hours before they did an emergency C-section. Even though she is a very good student, and mentally gifted, is it possible that being stuck like that did something minor that is causing these symptoms? She had really good Apgar scores after she was born, and they were monitoring her oxygen supply, but still something seems a little askew. I remember that her hand-eye coordination was a little delayed when her preschool tested all the children at four, also. Is this a related symptom? Anyone here who is knowledgeable about these issues?
There is a really funny animated series on MTV, with a teenager named Daria as the main character. I have only watched it once, but it was about Daria screwing up and her parents instituting Family Court in their house. She feels like she is in prison! At one point when Daria is grounded she finally breaks away just to go to a high school sporting event, thinking she can sneak back in before her parents get home. Well, she miscalculates, and is discovered. So her younger teenaged sister says something like, oh, what will happen now, will Daria have to pave the driveway?
It made everyone in our family smile, because it must feel like that to Briana, and I think it is very easy for parents of teenagers to adopt that prison kind of mentality and go way overboard with grounding and other consequences. Unfortunately, however, they are like huge toddlers playing on the freeway. There are so many things they can do to hurt themselves, and you love them so much and want to protect them. I am not really sure I am doing everything quite right, but I don't know another way to do it.
At least Texas is no longer sweltering people to death! Enjoy the cool rain while you have it, and don't forget to carry your flippers and some swim goggles in your car! Now I know why Penni was getting proficient at snorkeling! |
