Top Ten Possible Reasons Why Alan Greenspan Cut Interest Rates
10. As a young boy, Alan Greenspan was mauled by a grizzly bear and now he hates them in all forms. In high school, he was known as Al "Loaded for Bear" Greenspan.
9. His good buddy Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin gave him a call to let him know that they still have a few printing presses that aren't being used to churn out dollars around the clock.
8. After listening to Monica Lewinsky's tearful confessions to Linda Tripp, Greenspan was in a very sympathetic and accommodative mood.
7. It wasn't really Alan Greenspan who pushed for lower rates on Tuesday! In fact, it was a very sophisticated robot double (T-2000) sent from the future to destroy humankind by causing their financial markets to collapse. The robot feels no remorse or pity. It doesn't care about speculation or valuations. It will just continue to manipulate the financial markets until they crash! [This could be the synopsis of a script for a new movie--Terminator III: Crash Day.
6. Greenspan wanted to make sure that he stays on President Clinton's Christmas list. There is word that Clinton is going to be especially generous to those that have assisted in keeping him in office.
5. The tepid response for recent internet IPOs such as theglobe.com and EarthWeb convinced Greenspan that there was still too much irrational fear in the financial markets and even more liquidity was required.
4. John Law and Charles Ponzi have always been role models for Greenspan. He has always felt that their schemes would have worked had they been given more time and more money.
3. Realizing that he is nearing retirement, Greenspan put all of his retirement funds back into the stock market and couldn't resist giving it an extra boost.
2. The way Greenspan figures it, the stock market is doomed whatever he does but he wants history to go easy on him. A student of history, Greenspan realizes that the Fed was more heavily criticized for hiking rates in the 1930s than they were for easing them in the 1920s. When the market crashes this time, pundits will point out that the Fed did what it could to contain the disaster instead of blaming them for creating it.
And the number one possible reason that Alan Greenspan cut rates on Tuesday:
1. A while ago at a party, Alan Greenspan overheard a conversation between several Japanese financial officials discussing market bubbles. The Japanese officials were impressed over how large the U.S. economic bubble had gotten recently and compared it to their own bubble which burst almost a decade ago. With the Japanese economy still feeling the effects of their bubble, the officials declared that the U.S. bubble still has a ways to go to match theirs. In a fit of patriotic anger, Greenspan, blurted out, "You think you guys had a bubble! I'll show you a bubble! Just wait! You just wait and see!"
:-))
Fiend's Commentary today.
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