Putting things in perspective
New York Times
December 11, 1998
OBSERVER / By RUSSELL BAKER
Greatest Nation on God's Green Earth (Statesmanship Dept.): "He did."
"He didn't."
"He did too."
"He did not."
"Did too, too, too."
"Did not, not, not."
"It's impeachable."
"Unimpeachable."
"Impeachable."
"Unimpeachable."
"Impeacha."
"Unimpeacha."
"Peacha."
"Unpeacha."
"Imp, imp, imp."
"Un, un, un, it's only about sex."
"About lies under oath."
"Sex."
"Lies under oath."
"Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex."
"Oath, oath, oathady-oath."
"Sexady-sex, sexady-sex."
"Oathady-oath."
"Exady-ex."
"Starr got the goods."
"Got no Whitewater goods."
"Got the Monica goods."
"Got no Filegate goods."
"Got Monica, Monica, Monica goods."
"Got no Travelgate goods."
"Monica goods, Monica goods."
"Don't make him impeachable."
"Yes, they make him impeachable."
"No they don't."
"Yes they do."
"No they don't."
"Yes they do."
"Don't."
"Do."
"Unimpeachable, that's what he is."
"Impeachable is what he is."
"How about Linda Tripp, deceiver of pals?"
"How about Paula?"
"Paula Jones?"
"You think John Paula Jones? Of course Paula Jones."
"Tool of vast right-wing conspiracy."
"No such thing."
"Impeachment is a plot of right-wing conspiracy."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is."
" 'Tain't neither."
" 'Tis too."
"That's Hillary talk."
"Hillary good."
"Hillary not so good."
"Hillary tops."
"Hillary cunning, crafty."
"Henry Hyde craftier and cunninger."
"America has no finer public servant."
"He's Henery the Sly, he is."
"He is Henery the trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful,
thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. As chairman of a committee with a majority of decent,
clean-living Republicans he is struggling against vicious, underhanded Democratic apologists
for an insufferable President to serve decency and the Founding Fathers."
"No he isn't."
"Yes he is."
"Isn't."
"Is."
"Henery's the one ought to be impeached."
Hillary ought to be impeached."
"Starr and Linda Tripp are parasites on the public payroll."
"James Carville is a parasite on whatever payroll he's on."
"What's more, the public is sick and tired of the whole thing."
"Polls showing a sick-and-tired public cannot be permitted to stay Congress from the swift
completion of its harsh and cruel duty."
"Of course they can."
"No they can't."
"Yes they can, can, can."
"They can't."
"They can too."
"Can't."
"Especially since whatever he did is unimpeachable."
"Impeachable."
"Unimpeachable."
"Impeacha."
"Unimpeacha."
"Peacha."
"Unpeacha."
"Peachady-peach."
"Unpeachady-peach."
"Imp, imp, imp."
"Un, un, un."
"Oathady-oath."
"Sexady-sex, sexady-sex."
And so the Greatest Nation on God's Green Earth marches onward to ever greater greatness. |
