*** OFF TOPIC ***
Hi everyone. Speaking about great American lies, here's as little diversion to keep our minds of AXC's stock price. Happy Holidays.
>> >> 5 toughest questions for men...
>> >>
>> >> The questions are:
>> >>
>> >> 1. What are you thinking about?
>> >> 2. Do you love me?
>> >> 3. Do I look fat?
>> >> 4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
>> >> 5. What would you do if I died?
>> >>
>> >> What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is
>> >> guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers
>> >> incorrectly ( i.e.; tells the truth). Therefore, as a public
>> >> service, each question is analyzed below, along with
>> >> possible responses.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
>> >> The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been
>> >> pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
>> >> thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am
>> >> to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the
>> >> true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
>> >>
>> >> a. Baseball.
>> >> b. Football.
>> >> c. How fat you are.
>> >> d. How much prettier she is than you.
>> >> e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
>> >>
>> >> (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al
>> >> Bundy,
>> >> who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I
>> >> would be talking to you!")
>> >>
>> >> Question # 2: Do you love me?
>> >>
>> >> The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed
>> >> answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
>> >>
>> >> Inappropriate responses include:
>> >>
>> >> a. Oh Yeah, shit loads.
>> >> b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
>> >> c. That depends on what you mean by love.
>> >> d. Does it matter?
>> >> e. Who, me?
>> >>
>> >> Question # 3: Do I look fat?
>> >>
>> >> The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
>> >>
>> >> Among the incorrect answers are:
>> >>
>> >> a. Compared to what?
>> >> b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
>> >> c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
>> >> d. I've seen fatter.
>> >> e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
>> >> how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
>> >>
>> >> Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
>> >>
>> >> Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
>> >>
>> >> Incorrect responses include:
>> >>
>> >> a. Yes, but you have a better personality
>> >> b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
>> >> c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
>> >> d. Define pretty
>> >> e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
>> >> how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
>> >>
>> >> Question# 5: What would you do if I died?
>> >>
>> >> A definite no-win question.
>> >>
>> >> (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
>> >>
>> >> No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of
>> >> follow-up questions,usually along the these lines:
>> >>
>> >> WOMAN: Would you get married again?
>> >> MAN: Definitely not!
>> >> WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
>> >> MAN: Of course I do.
>> >> WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
>> >> MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
>> >> WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
>> >> MAN: Yes, I would.
>> >> WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
>> >> MAN: Where else would we sleep?
>> >> WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with
>> >> pictures of her?
>> >> MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
>> >> WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
>> >> MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed
>> >>
>>
PS: The 6th toughest question is: "Honey, how's AXC doing?" |
