In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make "the woman"
happy.
Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes &
points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something
she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
Simple Duties
-----------
You make the bed..............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..............0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next
bathroom......................................................-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with
wings.........................................................+5
But return with beer..........................................-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night......................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..............0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her father..............................................-10
Social Engagements
------------------
You stay by her side the entire party..........................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college drinking buddy........................................-2
Named Tiffany.................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer...........................................-6
Tiffany has implants..........................................-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her
lovingly......................................................+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain"
and pat her on the rump.......................................-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you
think
she
is attractive, you say,"Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as
you".........................................+1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's
attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"...........-6
That woman is her sister.....................................-90
You have one drink, and that's it..............................0
You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle....-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being
fingerprinted................................................-18
Saturday Afternoon
------------------
You go to the mall together...................................+3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park
the car.......................................................+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive
to a sports bar...............................................-2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to
like it.......................................................+3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a
sectional......................................................0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ........+3
Most of it chips and beer ....................................-6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the
den..........................................................+15
Or refinishing the floors....................................+16
Or rewiring the basement.....................................+17
Or adding a second floor.....................................+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom
wastebasket...................................................-6
And you're tickled pink about it.............................-15
You visit her parents..........................................0
You visit her parents and actually make conversation..........+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television....-3
And the television is off.....................................-6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your
underwear.....................................................-6
And you didn't even go to college............................-10
And it's not your underwear..................................-15
Her Birthday
------------
You take her out to dinner.....................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team..................-10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player....+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get
up and sing...................................................+4
If you stink..................................................+2
If you're not half bad........................................+5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to
much
applause..........................................-2
You give her a gift............................................0
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance...............-10
You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ...........+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate...................+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months.....+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day...-10
With her credit card.........................................-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big.................-40
And whatever you bought is two sizes too small...............-70
Thoughtfulness
--------------
You forget her birthday completely...........................-20
You forget your anniversary..................................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station.................-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey...............................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast..................-60
A Night Out With The Boys
-------------------------
Go out with a pal ............................................-5
And the pal is happily married ...............................-4
Or frighteningly single ......................................-7
And he drives a Mustang......................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)................-15
You have a few beers..........................................-9
And miss curfew by an hour...................................-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call...............-20
You get home at 3 am.........................................-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars......-40
And not wearing any pants....................................-50
Is that a tattoo??..........................................-200
Her Night Out
-------------
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from
work.....................................................+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home
late.........................................................+10
You wait up..................................................+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to
bed..........................................................+20
A Night At Home
---------------
You watch TV together......................................... 0
You rent a movie..............................................+2
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY.................+3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout........+5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep..................-1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool........-2
A Night Out
-----------
You take her to a movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate .............................+6
You take her to a movie you like..............................-2
It's called DeathCop 3........................................-3
Which features cyborgs having sex.............................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-15
Flowers
-------
You buy her flowers only when it's expected................... 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it...+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself.....+30
And she contracts Lyme disease...............................-25
Your Physique
-------------
You develop a noticeable potbelly............................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to getrid of
it...........................................................+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....................................-5
Finances
--------
You spend a lot of money on something impractical.............-5
Something she can't use......................................-10
Such a a motorized model airplane............................-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday...............-40
Driving
-------
You lost the directions on a trip.............................-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost..............-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town................-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up
close and personal...........................................-25
You know them................................................-60
The Big Question
----------------
She asks, "Do I look fat?"....................................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding...................................-10
You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35
Communication
-------------
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression.........................0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.......+5
You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV...+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep............-20 |
