In the package was a thick sheaf of official-looking papers. It had been some time since he had had to read printed words on an actual physical piece of paper, nowadays most data was delivered directly to your cerebrum by Soft-bots, whether you liked it or not.
Looking at the top page, he saw words like "SUMMONS," "JURISDICTION," and "WITNESS."
"Oh, geez, not again," he groaned. "Spider has no money left. How can he afford another appeal?"
Suddenly the MED on the wall sprang to life with an electronic "ping!". Mandatory Entertainment Displays were really not that bad, he had finally decided, and he was eager to see what his government thought he should see.
"Breaking news, fellow citizens! MSAOLNBC is proud to announce that our great and glorious government, AOL-MicroDell (the parent of this fine network, all hail, all hail), has determined that this week's "Missile Attack of the Week" will be against….Denmark!!!! We now take you live to downtown Copenhagen, and your favorite war correspondent, your very own Christiane Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-man-pooooooooooour!!! Take it away, Christiane!"
Amanpour was standing in front of the "Little Mermaid" statue. Behind her, the night sky was lit by flashes of orange and the red streaks of defensive laser fire. She was remarkably well-preserved for someone of her age. He thought she should probably stop wearing her trade-mark bikini, though; she had used it to devastating effect during the ratings wars of 2005, but now there were no other channels, why even bother?
"Thanks, Uncle Miltie! You look terrific, by the way! Anyway, here I am in wonderful Copenhagen, enjoying an ice cold Oly - Drink Oly, official beer of MSAOLNBC - and I am delighted to report that the totally justified attack by our forces against the secret bacon factories of the disgusting low-life Danish perverts is proceeding rather well. It appears that our noble efforts to bomb the bastards back to health is a total success! (And remember, friends, our missiles run on Windows CE, truly the killer OS!!)"
"Christiane, this is Miltie back in the studio. Do you have any sense of what the reaction is from our so-called friends in Moscow?"
"Milt, we have just received a statement from Emperor Boris the Terrible, which reads:
"I and my hard-working and diligent subjects, who have literally worked like slaves to create what is now the great Sino-Slavic economic miracle, are extremely upset about this blatant act of aggression by the capitalist hyenas of AOL-MicroDell, and we will be drowning our sorrows in huge quantities of distilled potato spirits."
"Meanwhile, Miltie, back at home, we understand that President Seinfeld is spending the Festivus weekend in the Catskills with his family and several of his closest mistresses. That's all I have for you now, fellow citizens, this is Christiane Amanpour chuggin' em down in Copenhagen for MSAOLNBC, now back to your regularly scheduled computer-generated insect movie…."
Feeling a rush of patriotic fervor, he put on his MSAOLNBC baseball cap, and turned his attention back to the package. A chill ran up and down his spine as he realized that this was nothing to do with the old "Valdez" case…
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