2. David Faber and Joe Kernan quit CNBC to go into business together. They buy a BB shell, start a corporation, and do a reverse merger after getting a contract to sell knick knacks at a loss from a Major Overseas Supplier. They start a web site, www.daveandjoesfiresale.com, and put out a press release on the first Friday in March that they are expecting to 50X sales within the next 3 days. Mark Haines laughs about them on the air, but Sue Herera says she thinks they will do fine.
Bob Pisani shows a chart on their first day of trading after the news, explains how it has gone from ten cents to a buck and a half in one day, doesn't realize the "long flat base" is one prior year before the reverse merger, and calls the spike a "double bottom side rocket banger formation" because some drunk trader on the floor of the NYSE tells him to say it on a bet with another drunk trader.
Kevin McCulloch gets an exclusive interview with Dave and says "uh" 18 times in one sentence. Dave laughs at him and Joe gets mad at Dave. Maria Bartaromo cuts in and says that she thinks Lucent is rumored to be romancing daveandjoesfiresale.com. The stock immediately goes from 1 1/2 to 48. James Cramer comes on CNBC and says nobody can short a BB deal, and the stock goes to 182. (He is long at ten cents.)
Dave and Joe have filed to sell 22 million shares on the second day after their press release, and blow out of all of their stock at an average of 170. Cramer holds the ask at the top and gets out at 182 1/8.
The next day, Mark Haines announces on CNBC that he is buying a BB shell and calling it supersquak.com. He has a remote interview with Jimmy Rogers who is in the middle of the Kuwaiti desert in a Land Rover, Jimmy says he will short the stock, and daveandjoesfiresale.com tanks on the news, dragging down YHOO, AMZN, EBAY and all the rest.
Dave and Joe buy National Media and start a competitive stock news station that also promotes dolls, bumper stickers, and Magic 8 Balls. Sue and Maria are hired as hostesses for the marketing part of the program.
Mark Haines quits CNBC in disgust and flies over to Kuwait to keep Jim company, Cramer makes a billion shorting all the Internet stocks, and Kevin McCulloch is promoted to CEO of GE.
You heard it here first.
BAWK! |
