Maybe this!
Bogus News Network:
Inprise Marketing Strategy for Delphi Announced
January 8, 1998 - Scott's Valley, CA
Inprise Corp. (NASD: INPR) today formalized what had previously been
its unspoken strategy for promoting and marketing their flagship
development tool, Borland Delphi. "We have nothing to say about
Delphi," opined Inprise CEO Delbert Yocam, "it doesn't even rhyme
with 'enterprise'."
Inprise's head of developer relations, David Intersimone, expanded on
the new initiative, dubbed "Project SHHHH!" "Inprise corporation has
now enjoyed several profitable quarters by not speaking up about the
superiority of Delphi as a development tool. We decided it was time
to embrace and formalize this successful strategy. We are enjoying a
very stable stock price right now, and we don't want to do anything
that might make our stock to expensive."
Zack Urlocker, who leads the research and development wing of Inprise,
picked up on the theme: "We have known for a long time now that Delphi
beats Microsoft's entire suite, Visual Studio, hands down, for
features and overall quality. But, in keeping with our enterprise
focus, we thought that focusing on marketing something as mundane as a
mere development tool would be a waste of time."
Inprise's head of marketing, Ima Dolt, summed it all up: "We are
holding back with everything we have got. The last thing we need is
everyone finding out about Delphi, or comparing its features and
functionality with something like Visual Basic. We have no doubt that
Project SHHHH® will continue to be a success, now that it is a formal
initiative. So far, our silence on Delphi's features have been on
time, and on budget."
Attempts were made to reach Microsoft CEO Bill Gates for his comments
on Inprise's progress as Microsoft's primary competition in the
development tools arena. He was not available for comment, although
maniacal laughter was heard coming from behind his office door. |
