January 08, 1999 2:50 EST/7:50 GMT
Telebras shares drop rapidly forcing "virtually" dramatic action by the "baby bras"
SAO PAULO, Jan 8 (Rooters -"the sound you hear is your wallet being flushed")
In an attempt to stem the tidal wave of negative factors which are taking the former Telebras spin-offs to their knees, stock price-wise, the CEOs of all the newly privatized companies have issued a joint statement
which forcefully demonstrates their commitment to upholding and increasing shareholder value.
Reaffirming their commitment to "all those nice Americanos and others who can't speak Portuguese but have lots of money to invest", the CEOs unveiled their Master Plan for 1999 and The New Millenium - TELEBABYBRAS dot COM - the Virtual Phone Company!
Profits are expected to grow exponentially as management does away with expensive frills such as land lines, switches, offices and paid workers. Traveling at the speed of light, TELEBABYBRAS dot COM will transmit over the new Brasilian Net of confusion, misinformation, and outright deception.
Said Antonio "Offshore" Dinerinho, CEO of one of the 12 babys, "When investors see how profitable we will become by cutting all expenses - except those for our outside consultants of course - we are sure we will become the highest flyer of the American stock netscape, making even Ebay look like the flea market stock it is.
President Cardoza could not be reached for comment as phone service to the Presidential Palace had been interrupted for non-payment. |
