You Know You're A Dylan Fan If...
Volume 1
- you think Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen and Frank Sinatra are
wanna-be's
- you're annoyed yet amused by chit-chat in foreign languages
- you are more interested in last night's set than you are the headline news
- you get annoyed when a taper repeatedly yells "Visions of Johanna!!" in
your ear
- you bash A.J. Weberman to your friends, but secretly think it'd be pretty
interesting to go through Dylan's trash
- you know what the posting titled "Bootleg Series???" is going to say,
but read it ANYWAY
- you don't get tired of "Tangled Up In Blue" - even though you've heard
it over 10,000 times
- you've purchased spreadsheet software for the express purpose of
organizing your collection
- you have named your offspring or your pets: Dylan , DeeLynn, Delanna,
Handy Dandy, Maggie , Ramona , Corrina, Delia, Hattie, Davey, Sadie,
Johanna, Montgomery, FrankieLee, Sara, Babara Allen, St.Annie, Sweet
Marie, Angelina, Suze, Ruben Remus, Sarah Jane, or Smoke
- you use the phrase "You gotta lot of nerve!" as a retort
- you use the phrase "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU - YOU'RE A LIAR!!" as
a retort
- when you're in an argument with your significant other, you say "Your
words are not clear, you'd better spit out your gum"
- you think polka-dots are cool and fashionable.
- you are mystified by one note harmonica solos
- you've ever made up your own words to "Santa Fe"
- you firmly believe that Dylan wrote "The Weight"
- you've sat through the long version of "Renaldo & Clara" at least twice
and wouldn't mind doing it again
- you get offended when people sing "The ants are my friends..."
- you are STILL searching for secret pages on the HWY61-CDROM
- you stand next to your theory on who the Jokerman is
- you sing "License to Kill" every time there's a shuttle launch
- you've spent an intimate weekend with your tape-to-tape
- you go around carrying gigantic lightbulbs
- you trust Heylin more than you do your ecclesiastical leader
- you think Dylan is a good painter
- you've ever flamed someone for calling Dylan a bad painter
- you've thought about being an EDLIS agent for your municipality
- you're convinced that "Gates of Eden" is a love song
- your regular speaking voice has adopted an inflected and undulatory
tone
- you do not find humor in the idea that you can call someone who
simultaneously plays the harmonica & guitar a musician - but by taking it
one step further by adding knee-cymbals, then that person's a freak
- you are proud of your drumstick shrapnel collection
- you have your own in-depth theory on why Jezebel the nun violently knits
a bald wig for Jack the Ripper
- you relocate, and trust your Dylan stuff to no one, including your spouse
- you consider yourself an idiot magnet
- your password is a Dylan quote
- you buy tickets for a Dylan show before checking out where in the hell it
is and then go to the show
- you have the tour schedule on your fridge and check it every evening
- you schedule your vacation to see Dylan the same week the relatives
come to visit
- you trade for more than one copy of the same show
- you have the LP, cassette, 8-Track, Elcaset and CD versions of his
albums and you don't care which one sounds best!
- you think that $10k for a copy of the original "Freewheelin'" is fair
market value
- you'd consider trading for a poor tape of Dylan's Bar Mitzvah
- you take it personally when friends comment that Dylan can't sing
- your used to people asking you: "Don't all these tapes sound the
same?"
- when you walk by graffiti and you think: "People drawing conclusions on
the wall"
- you have tape cassette boxes that only list a city and a date, but no artist
- practically anything someone says to you reminds you of the line of a
song
- every time the weather report comes on you say, "You don't need a
weatherman to know which way the wind blows"
- you read BoB, BotT, BIABH, JWH, UTRS, and WGW with ease, but
don't know what CRC, LASER, LED, TLA, NORAD, and SCUBA stand
for
- you've listened to "All Along The Watchtower" more times than Dylan
has played it
- you refer to any and all other music as "non-Dylan"
- you divide music into four categories: 1) Dylan; 2) music that influenced
Dylan; 3) music influenced by Dylan; and 4) crap.
- you have all the versions of "Guitars Kissing & The Contemporary Fix"
- you hope that people will ask you what Don McLean's "American Pie"
is really all about.
- you wake up singing "One more cup of coffee 'fore I go..." five out of
seven mornings.... |
