A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune
and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It
says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
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A newly married couple went to a family picnic at his parent's house and the new wife was doing her best to learn the names of brothers, sisters, cousins, and all of the associated wives, husbands and children.
However, there was one guy there that she just couldn't keep straight in her mind, no matter what she tried. Finally, he bailed her out, telling her his name was Dick.
"Of course!" she said quickly, without thinking. "How could I ever forget?
You even *look* like a Dick!"
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11th Commandment:
Last week there was a very important meeting between God, Moses, and
the Pope. They were troubled because of the way President Clinton was
behaving. They decided that the only course of action was to create
an 11th Commandment to get their message across. The problem was how
to word it so it matched the other commandments in style and holy
inspiration to others.
After prolonged meditation and discussion, they decided on:
"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.
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Two women, a brunette and a blonde, are leaving for work.
Brunette: "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops."
The brunette is driving and the blonde is looking for cops out the
> back.
Brunette: "So, do you see any cops?"
Blonde: "Yes."
Brunette: "Are they behind us?"
Blonde: "Yes."
Brunette: "Are they close?"
Blonde: "Yes."
Brunette: "Are they going to stop us?"
Blonde: "I don't know."
Brunette: "Well, are their lights on?"
Blonde: "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes."
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A minister stood in front of his congregation on Sunday morning andsaid he would
be doing something differently. When he said a word they would sing a verse from a hymn,,,,so he said I will begin now......"Cross", the congregation sang, "The Old Rugged Cross", "Grace", and they sang a verse from "Amazing Grace", "Power", and they
sang "Power in Blood", the last word he announced was "Sex", the congregation looked stunned, not a word from them---- they sat in silence while looking back and forth
at one another not knowing what to do when all of a sudden from in the back of
the church an 87 year old lady stood up and started singing
"Precious Memories".
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