Skip, I don't think the distinction between friendship and sexual attraction is at all distinct. And I think that it fluctuates a great deal, depending on an individual's needs at any given moment. The other day I was very down, tired and feeling like a failure at the market, lonely. I really needed someone to tell me I was OK. (As a matter of fact, I e-mailed Freddy and complained that he never told me I was a babe. He graciously complied but only because I was having a bad day.)Had this been a longer term state in my life, coupled with the hours of my husband's job at the moment, I can see where a friend could turn into the means of filling that need, which might or might not involve a sexual development. This sounds like what happened to Alexa when her husband's friend went from confiding in her to coming on to her. I hasten to add that I consider monogamy a crucial ingredient of marriage. And that constant vigilance is needed to realize when those weak moments are present and discipline required to work at the not-so-enjoyable problems in the marriage and cut off the oh-so-much more-fun outside relationship. Few people want to do that. THey make the right noises, they even agree to counseling, but it seems they stop at the point of giving up the emotional goodies they get from the other person. A lot of our friends, male and female have gone through this; most of them are divorced now.
Anyway, this had nothing to do with you and your friend!!! That's the problem with reading 50 posts at once. They're all mixed up in my head and I just start babbling.
I'm curious whether, now that your friend has made clear her parameters and they're different from your hopes, you will continue to see her as much. What do you do with your sexual attraction? Doesn't it get between you? Does she know about it? What happens when she does meet someone to whom she's physically attracted and tells you, her good friend, about it? I would HATE that! |
