Les, excellent article thanks. And it highlights clearly how the willing liberal press has been used by this administration from the beginning. How many of us missed the "Betty Currie is a religios saint" spin from the administration? Especially during the height of the controversy? Probably next to zero. A saint, who can't tell the simple truth in court! The chances that anybody who worked in Carville's war room is a saint is next to nill. :-)
Yet there are still journalist who cannot see the gross media bias staring right at them. I wonder if it has anything to do with them voting 90+% for Clinton in the last election? I guess only a PHD in human behavior can figure that one out. :-)
Thanks for the site too. I hadn't seen it before. Here's a funny parody I drug up from the archives.....:-)
Best, Michael
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How to Get Out of a Ticket, a Crash Course Taught by the President
My wife is going before a judge in the immediate future, to fight a ticket she got from a police officer for not yielding to an emergency vehicle. Thanks to Bill Clinton, I have a great boilerplate from which to build her defense to the court:
Good evening.
(Good afternoon, your honor.)
This afternoon in this room, from this chair, I testified before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury. I answered their questions truthfully, including questions about my private life, questions no American citizen would ever want to answer.
(I'm here to tell you about something I did while in my private personal vehicle, in which I consider any behavior on my part to be my own personal business.)
Still, I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight.
(Even though I don't think it's any of the police's darned business what I do in my private vehicle, I still take full responsibility for my driving actions.)
As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my relationship with Monica Lewinsky. While my answers were legally accurate, I did not volunteer information.
(Two months ago, I got cited for failure-to-yield, and I told the cop I thought he was a %#$@%$, which was a legally accurate statement at that time.)
Indeed, I did have a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a personal failure on my part for which I am solely and completely responsible. But I told the grand jury today and I say to you now that at no time did I ask anyone to lie, to hide or destroy evidence or to take any other unlawful action.
(I did yield to the officer, though to the left and not the right, which I did in the best interests of my family and friends. But at no time did I try to run any pedestrians down, carjack other vehicles, or commit a drive-by shooting, so what's the big deal, anyway?)
I know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that.
(I know that when I lied to the officer and told him I was pregnant and my car was on fire, that I may have exaggered slightly. I misled the officer, and I think I may have even misled myself. I am deeply disappointed with myself for misleading myself, and I am deeply disappointed in the officer for allowing himself to be misled. We should all expect more from our law enforcement agents in these trying times.)
I can only tell you I was motivated by many factors, first, by a desire to protect myself from the embarrassment of my own conduct. I was also very concerned about protecting my family. The fact that these questions were being asked in a politically inspired lawsuit, which has since been dismissed, was a consideration, too.
(I was motivated to mislead the officer of the law by the fact that a ticket would cost me a lot of @#$@#$ money! The fact that I think I got pulled over for my Newt Gingrich bumper sticker also led me to believe I might be the victim of a partisan witchhunt. This same cop has been lurking behind that bush on my street for over four years, and eaten nearly $40 million worth of donuts, and this is the best he can come up with? No speeding, no running a red light? Just a lousy failure-to-yield? The American people just don't think a person like me should be subjected to all these legal proceedings at great personal expense just because an officer says I veered left instead of right.
In addition, I had real and serious concerns about an independent counsel investigation that began with private business dealings 20 years ago, dealings, I might add, about which an independent federal agency found no evidence of any wrongdoing by me or my wife over two years ago. The independent counsel investigation moved on to my staff and friends, then into my private life. And now the investigation itself is under investigation.
(The American people are sick and tired of their tax dollars being spent on frivolous infractions like these. In addition, they're concerned that a police officer once beat Rodney King, a fellow motorist and American, and that another police officer stuck a plunger up a man's behind after an incident not unlike mine. How are we to know this officer isn't the same man? I also feared that if I spoke candidly with this officer, he might start asking me private questions like 'what color underwear do you like', and 'would you kiss this?' He looked at me funny, and I think you should investigate him immediately. I suspect he may be some kind of pervert or something.)
This has gone on too long, cost too much and hurt too many innocent people.
(Basically, you're wasting my time here, judge, and I could be feeding starving children at a soup kitchen if I weren't rotting here in your courtroom.)
Now, this matter is between me, the two people I love most -- my wife and our daughter -- and our God. I must put it right, and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to do so. Nothing is more important to me personally. But it is private, and I intend to reclaim my family life for my family. It's nobody's business but ours. Even presidents have private lives. It is time to stop the pursuit of personal destruction and the prying into private lives and get on with our national life.
(I think I can put this matter behind us all by asking my cats if they think I did anything wrong. They are as fair and impartial as any judge or jury, and if I endangered anyone, it's important that before all else, I come clean with my family so we can move on with our lives. And I think it's high time you stopped posting police officers on my street, judge, because I'm tired of getting pulled over all the time.)
Our country has been distracted by this matter for too long, and I take my responsibility for my part in all of this. That is all I can do. Now it is time -- in fact, it is past time -- to move on. We have important work to do -- real opportunities to seize, real problems to solve, real security matters to face.
(I can't do any more for you, your honor, than to take this home and settle it with my family. Whatever punishment they give me will surely be worse than the $423 fine you seek to impose, and then I can get back to work. Because the American people want me to focus on the graphic design issues that they hired me to do four years ago.)
And so tonight, I ask you to turn away from the spectacle of the past seven months, to repair the fabric of our national discourse, and to return our attention to all the challenges and all the promise of the next American century.
(Can you please turn a blind eye to justice, just this once, so I can save $423, repair my car with the savings, and return my attention to going wherever the @#$@#$ I was going before your stupid @#$@#$ officer pulled me over two months ago.)
Thank you for watching. And good night.
(No, your honor, I'm not stalling, I'm just availing myself of all my legal options! Aw c'mon judge, let she who's never rolled through a stop sign cast the first stone! Say, didn't you used to work as a lawyer for Big Tobacco? The stock market's on a roll today--so obviously everything's going just fine WITHOUT you giving me a ticket. Why are you handcuffing me? I resent these Gestapo tactics! The bailiff leaked my testimony to the officer before the case! This is a vast police conspiracy! Are you in cahoots with Richard Mellon-Scaife? Hey! I'm NOT in contempt, judge, YOU'RE the one who's in contempt! <zap>Ouch! Nobody EVER gets locked up for contempt in a traffic court case!!! You wouldn't dare indict a poor little 24-year-old girl! My mom will NEVER agree to testify against me, you'll see! Just wait until Geraldo hears about thiiiiisssssss.............................)<SLAM>
Click here to contribute to my wife's legal defense fund, or to send comments.
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