A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist, "I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find 'em?"
The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle
4."
"No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled the farmer.
"Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide."
"Listen here," argued the farmer, "my wife's got a bug up her ass and I'm a goin' huntin' for it. Like I said, I want me one of them condoms with PESTICIDE on it!"
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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a
part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
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What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
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At an international woman's conference the topic for discussion was how to
empower women in the home.
The first speaker was the British representative. She stood up and said; "I decided to make a stand against my husband's oppression and so I told him that I would no longer be doing the washing. After the first day I saw no result; after the second day I saw nothing; but after the third day he did his own washing."
The delegates applauded this brave stand for women's rights.
The second speaker was from America. She stood up and said; " I told my husband that I was no longer prepared to cook for him as it was a form of enslavement. After the first day I saw no result, after the second day I saw no result; but after the third day he cooked a meal for the both of us."
Again the conference applauded.
Next came the Australian delegate. She said; "I told my husband that I would no longer be doing the shopping. After the first day I saw nothing, after the second day I saw nothing; but after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
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I know a few guys who always get together on Fridays after work.
One Friday, Dave showed up particularly late, sat down at the bar, and kicked back his
entire first beer in one gulp. Then he turned and said, "Times they are getting tough. I
mean, just today, my wife told me that she's going to cut me back to only two times a
week! I can't believe it."
At which point Bob put his hand on Dave's shoulder and said reassuringly,
"You think you've got it bad, she's cut me out all together."
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