PETER MARSHALL'S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES"
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start
having babies, soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town.
2. What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't?
PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I don't recommend the
cookies.
3. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant?
4. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
CHARLEY WEAVER: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
5. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet.
6. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very
important. What?
PAUL LYNDE: An engagement ring.
7. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than
drinking. What?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking.
8. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall
guests.
9. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the
Kabuki. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride.
10. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least
how high?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
11. Do female frogs croak?
PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little heads under water.
12. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
or a woman?
DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping me awake.
13. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes
than they do in their pajamas.
PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.
14. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious
about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?
PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some?
15. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should
you try to break him of his habit?
JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
16. Question: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
PAUL LYNDE: Naked and screaming like the rest of us. |
