INEFFECTIVE DAILY AFFIRMATIONS
* As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my
Inner Sociopath.
* I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring
levels of suspicion and paranoia.
* I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that
are someone else's fault.
* I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless,
of course, I want to stay employed.
* In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
* Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control
over others.
* My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
* I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no
personality at all.
* Joan of Arc heard voices too.
* I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious,
self-righteous people around me.
* I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and
complain.
* As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they
reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
* When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But
not nearly as gratifying.
* The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to
do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice
things.
* As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
* All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and
disgusting parts.
* I am at one with my duality.
* Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
* I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.
* Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with
imaginary fears.
* I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and
local laws.
* Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are
no sweeter words than "I told you so."
* False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
* A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
* Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching
TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
* Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll
find someone.
* Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it
worrying about the future?
* The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the
conspiracy is working.
* I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as
sabotage.
* Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step --
blaming my parents.
* To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look
like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
* I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to
learn from them.
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