I know this is a little off the subject, but I'm going to post it anyway. Tell me if your penis erects while reading this. By the way, has it ever erected when you thought about a guy? Anyway, here are some tales about penises:
The penis -- object of pride, envy, and hilarity. We view it without comment in classic works of art all the time, but whenever we catch a glimpse of it anywhere else, we can't help but titter about it like silly schoolchildren. Just what is so funny about this male organ? Perhaps these legends will provide some clues about the nature of phallic humor.
-True Story: The mens' underwear section of a 1975 Sears catalog featured a picture of a male model whose penis could be seen peeking out from beneath the a pair boxer shorts.
A page advertising mens' shirts, boxers, and briefs in Sears' 1975 Fall/Winter catalog displayed a picture of two male models, one wearing boxer shorts and the other clad in briefs. A small, rounded object or blemish could be seen on the inside of the boxer model's left leg, apparently emerging from underneath the hem of the shorts. The size, positioning, and shape of the "object" were all consistent with that of a penis.
Although Sears did receive some letters of protest over their showing "this individual's nakedness," Sears maintains that nothing improper appeared in the picture. Their official explanation is that the "object" was a blemish caused by water or some other liquid falling onto the artwork during the printing process, and that the same picture (sans "object") appeared in the Spring catalog earlier that year.
-Legend: A scruffy-looking older man enters a hairdressing shop just before closing time one evening, looking to get his hair cut. A young, female stylist is the only one left in the shop, and though she feels uneasy about remaining alone with a stranger, she agrees to to give him a quick haircut and motions him to her chair.
The stylist pins a sheet around the customer's neck and turns around to pick up her instruments. When she turns back again she notices that the man's hands are under the sheet, performing a rhythmic back-and-forth motion. Thinking that her customer is masturbating (and might possibly be a dangerous sex offender), the stylist quickly cracks him over the head with a hair dryer and calls 911. When the police arrive, the customer is still unconscious; lifting the sheet, they discover that the man had merely been cleaning his glasses.
-Claim: In a rare phenomenon called penis captivus, a man becomes stuck inside a woman when her vaginal muscles suddenly clamp down. Sometimes the man is unable to withdraw even after he loses his erection, requiring a trip to the emergency room to separate the couple.
Status: Undetermined.
Synopsis: Medical experts disagree about whether the phenomenon known as penis captivus is real. Although there have been sporadic reports of allegedly real cases, many specialists feel that vaginal spasms severe enough to cause penis captivus are extremely unlikely, and that the male partner would be able to withdraw his penis once it was sufficiently relaxed. An oft-cited medical journal report of an actual case of penis captivus, published in 1884, was a hoax.
Origins: On 4 December 1884, the Philadelphia Medical News published an account of a case of penis captivus from Pentonville, England, submitted by one Egerton Y. Davis. The account was in fact a fabrication, submitted under a pseudonym by Sir William Osler, a member of the Medical News' editorial board. Osler's colleague, Theophilus Parvin, had just written and published an anonymous article about vaginismus (a painful, spasmodic contraction of the vagina), and Osler apparently felt that Parvin had used his pull as a board member to publish an article about a trifle of no real importance to the general medical community. Osler decided to embarrass Parvin by writing a phony letter under his "Egerton Y. Davis" pseudonym and having it mailed to the Medical News from Montreal. Osler's correspondence was printed in the 4 December 1884 issue of Philadelphia Medical News, and it has since been cited numerous times as an actual case report of penis captivus by those unaware of the hoax.
-Claim: A machine-shop worker who made a regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the drive belt of a piece of machinery leaned too close to the belt one day and caught his scrotum between the pulley-wheel and the drive belt. The man suffered a torn scrotum and lost one of his testicles, but he calmly stapled his scrotum back together and resumed work before finally visiting a doctor three days later.
Status: True.
Synopsis: This is an actual case that was reported in a letter submitted to the medical journal Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality in 1991. We contacted the physician who penned the letter and obtained verification and further details about the unusual injury and its treatment.
Origins: The case described above appeared as the UNUSUAL CASE feature in the July 1991 issue of Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality under the title of "Scrotum Self-Repair," and the article has circulated widely in both photocopy and electronic forms ever since.
-Claim: A Star Wars trading card depicts the droid C-3P0 with an oversized penis.
Status: Undetermined.
Origins: The second-most notorious obscene trading card in history (after Fleer's Billy Ripken "fuck face" baseball card*) is the C-3P0 card from Topps' 1978 Star Wars set. Card #207 (fourth series) allegedly shows the famous golden droid sporting a penis that would put John Holmes to shame.
What we appear to have here is an image created by the combination of a natural part of our robot friend's nether regions (the area inside the red rectangle below) and something extra (the area inside the green rectangle below) presumably added by an unknown prankster. The result is a decidedly well-endowed droid.
Just how did this image end up on a trading card? As usual, legend places the blame on a digruntled artist, just as in the examples of the infamous cover from Disney's The Little Mermaid video and the notorious Renuzit air freshener can. Intentional or not, the depiction of a well-hung C-3P0 was realistic enough that Topps later replaced the card with an air-brushed one featuring a tamer rendering, creating a new version that turned out to be scarcer than the original.
-Claim: The picture on a 1995 can of Renuzit air freshener included a deliberately planted phallic image.
Origins: In March 1995, Dial Corp introduced a new can for the Fresh Cut Flowers scent of their Renuzit air freshener product, featuring a label festooned with pictures of tulips. Within two months, both Dial and retailers started receiving complaints about a phallic image that allegedly appeared on the side of the can. Immediately the rumors began to fly: Was it a form of subliminal advertising? A publicity stunt? The product of a disgruntled art director? Answer: none of the above.
Although remarkably phallic in shape, the image was indeed part of a picture of a flower that was awkwardly cropped to fit the label. According to Dial, when the can had been redesigned about nine months earlier, the tulip on the aerosol can was cropped by the seam of the can, leaving one petal detached from the rest of the flower. The same picture -- with a different trim -- was used on Renuzit's LongLast Roomate air freshener cans and showed that the "phallus" was unquestionably a tulip. (A widespread rumor had it that a disgruntled art director at The Dial Corp had superimposed his penis into a shot of cut flowers. Apparently all phallic images appearing on product packaging are the product of disgruntled artists, as evidenced by similar rumors involving The Little Mermaid video cover and a Topps Star Wars trading card.)
Dial did not recall any of the questionable cans, although they did hide the petal behind a green leaf on cans already in stock and created a new photo and label for use on subsequent cans.
-Claim: A man seeking sexual pleasure caught his penis in a swimming pool suction fitting.
Status: True.
Origins: Some stories just can't be improved upon:
Police and paramedics made an early morning call to a motel to free a man whose penis was caught in a swimming pool suction fitting. A clerk at the Scottish Inn motel made a 911 call at 4:45 a.m. Friday, saying the 33-year-old man was trapped in the swimming pool.
The pool's pump was shut off before paramedics arrived, but the man still could not free himself because his penis had become swollen. Paramedics inserted a lubricant around the suction fitting, and authorities freed the man after about 40 minutes.
The man, who had rented a room at the motel, told police he had gone swimming about 12:30 a.m. He was treated at Lakeland Regional Medical Center.
The responding police officer's report stated the following: "As I approached the man, I could see his pants were down to his knees and his penis was stuck in a suction hole located on the north side of the swimming pool." The police officers shut off the pool's pump but that didn't do the trick. Robert Cheuvront's penis remained stuck. Unfortunately for him, it had become swollen by the battering it had received before the pump was turned off.
Efforts by the police to free him failed, so the paramedics were summoned. Lubricant was applied around the pipe fitting in hopes the poor man would become unstuck. Eventually, after nearly an hour of alternating delicate maneuvering and strenuous pulling efforts, Cheuvront popped out of the suction pipe. The paramedics took him to a nearby hospital, and a spokesman there later later announced the man had been released after treatment for bruised genitalia.
Barbara "and an acute sense of embarrassment" Mikkelson
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These are funny aren't they. They're from my favorite site. Visit more of these cool stories (and pictures for the ones you read in here so you can decide if there true) at snopes.simplenet.com. Have fun!
By the way, mike i know these don't have to do with your "state", but i posted them anyway. If you erect constantly, thats nice. I dont really care though. i cant determine just be looking at erections!!!
How bout this. Send me a nude pic to my email address: michellegold@iname.com and maybe then i can decide. i cant wait to see it.
-Michelle |
