Hey its Michelle again. I hope you all enjoyed the penis stories i posted. They make me glad i dont got one. Those things have gotta hurt! Well, sux for them. LOL. But, in realization that this is not only a message board about penises (and when the become erect - see its correct E) but also about homosexuality - here are some gay stories (for you mike):
Our long-held discrimination against homosexuality has engendered legends that portray homosexuals as deviants who engage bizarre sexual practices (with humiliating results) and sexual predators who force themselves on unwilling participants.
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-Claim: In a sexual practice sometimes referred to as "gerbilling" or "gerbil-stuffing," a pleasure-seeker uses a tube to insert a gerbil (or another small rodent such as a hamster or a mouse) into his anus, sometimes requiring a trip to the emergency room to have the animal removed after it crawls too far up the rectum.
Like similar legends such as The Promiscuous Rock Star, this tale has been applied to various public figures who are known or believed to be homosexual, and it has stuck with one in particular: Richard Gere. Although the legend homed in on various targets when it first appeared (including a Philadelphia newscaster), it has clung tenaciously to Mr. Gere's name since at least the mid-1980's. Rumors that he had an emergency "gerbilectomy" at Cedars Sinai Hospital in California have spread far and wide, and countless doctors and nurses claim to have participated in, been on hand during, or heard from a reliable colleague about, the procedure. The rumor's spread was aided by an anonymous prankster who, not long after the film Pretty Woman led to a tremendous increase in Gere's popularity, flooded fax machines in Hollywood with a phony "press release" purportedly issued by the Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, claiming that Gere had "abused" a gerbil. But, as a reporter from The National Enquirer found when he attempted to track down the gerbil story, there were no facts to be had.
Versions of the following gerbilling fiction date back at least to 1993 when a faked UPI item appeared on the Internet, one that named Vito Bustone and Kiki Rodriguez of Lake City, Florida, as the accident victims. (The gerbil's name was withheld by request of the family.) Further versions have been falsely attributed to the Los Angeles Times with the events said to have taken place in Salt Lake City, Utah. Rest assured that neither news outlet ever published a news article about these fictitious events.
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
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-Legend: A student consults a doctor at the campus medical center after experiencing continual soreness in his rectum. The doctor examines the student and diagnoses the cause of the pain as homosexual activity, even though the student swears he's straight and has never engaged in such activity. The student later discovers that his gay roommate has been secretly anesthetizing and sodomizing him at night.
Examples:
A few summers ago, a friend of mine at work told me a story that supposedly happened at the school he went to. A guy went to the doctor because of pain in his rectum. It was discovered that he had a high level of ether in his bloodstream. Apparently his roomate had been using ether on him to knock him out while he, um, had his way with him.
Origins: As Brunvand notes, this legend has been mentioned in print as far back as 1886, in Richard F. Burton's privately-published The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, and it was included in Gershon Legman's Rationale of the Dirty Joke. (Both tellings involve predators who drug their victims with alcohol.) The story has spread widely in the United States over the last twenty years or so, generally set in military barracks or campus dormitories.
Whereas the college version generally ends with the discovery of the perfidy, revenge is almost always exacted on the perpetrator in the military version, either by the soldier acting on his own or with the help of his buddies. The GI is often said to "beat the crap" out of his tentmate upon discovering what he's been up to. Some tellings of the legend end with the sodomizer dead at the hands of his victim and his victim-turned-killer now serving a life term in Leavenworth.
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-Claim: After collapsing at a post-concert party, a rock star is rushed to the emergency room where doctors pump a pint of semen out of his stomach.
Synopsis: This legend has been applied to numerous male rock stars over the last two decades, primarily those known (or believed) to be bisexual or homosexual. In the mid-1990's, female rock stars started having this legend attributed to them.
When you run across those gullible types who believe a story like this until you demonstrate it to be untrue, point out to them that the amount of semen claimed to have been pumped from whichever ailing star's stomach would have required a several-day, non-stop oral sex marathon to ingest, and that there would be no medical reason to pump the stomach in the first place. (Semen isn't toxic; your body would process it as if it were food. If you ingested too large an amount of anything, you'd throw it up.)
Variations:
The following people have had this legend attributed to them: Rod Stewart, Elton John, David Bowie, Marc Almond, Mick Jagger, Andy Warhol, Jeff Beck, Jon Bon Jovi, the drummer for Bon Jovi, the lead singer for New Kids on the Block, the Bay City Rollers (what, all of them?), Alanis Morrissette, Li'l Kim, and Foxy Brown.
The amount of ejaculate is often specified: 7 ounces, 1 gallon, 10 gallons.
In some tellings, dog semen is said to have been the substance found.
Origins: This story is a updated version of The Promiscuous Cheerleader legend, with a male rock star taking the place of the female cheerleader. Legends commonly change with the times, and as the notion of a schoolgirl engaging in oral sex with a sports team lost much of its salaciousness, this story altered form to regain some of its shock value. A similar transformation took place when The Nude Surprise Party and its warning against premarital sex were replaced with a tale involving bestiality.
RELATED IMAGE: snopes.simplenet.com
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Feel free to post your own. I hope you enjoyed mine, esp. you michael.
-Michelle |
