More on "The God Question":
News Release
Christian Science Monitor
January 3, 2AD
Turmoil rocked heaven this morning after further allegations that God has had an affair with a former worshipper.
The scandal came to light when a 21-year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she has given birth to "God's only begotten son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claimed that "she had loved God for a long time", that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have his child".
At a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "no sexual relationship existed" and that "the truth of this story will come out in time, verily". Independent counsel Kenneth Beelzebub immediately filed a brief with the justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions on whether commandments may have been broken and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through three foreign operatives known only by the sinister name "The Wise Men".
Beelzebub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are rumoured to have acted as go-betweens in the affair.
Critics have pointed out that these allegations have little to do with the charges that Beelzebub was originally appointed to investigate, that God had created large-scale flooding to cover up evidence of a failed land deal.
In recent months Beelzebub's investigation has already been expanded to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts that plagued God's political opponents in the last election, as well as claims that the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed to divert public attention from the question of whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in the Promised Country to a Jewish special interest group was a quid pro quo for political contributions.
If these allegations prove to be true it could be a huge blow to God's career, much of which has been spent campaigning for stricter moral standards and harsher punishment for wrongdoers. God recently outlined a "get-tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a series of ten "Commandments", which have been introduced in Congress by Rep. Moses. Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provision for the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the "name in vain" commandment as an unconstitutional restriction on free speech.
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