BS Newswire, Feb 7, 1999;
- WRLB & Associates -- World leaders reacted with stunned silence as WRLB & Associates Corp. conducted an underground nuclear test at a secret facility in eastern Africa. The device, exploded at 9:22 am PDT (1622 GMT/12:22 pm EDT) today, was timed to coincide with talks between WRLB & Associates and the US Department of Justice over possible antitrust action.
"WRLB & Associates is going to defend its right to market its products by any and all necessary means," said WRLB & Associates President Weaner Rumberger. "Not that I'm anti-government" he continued, "but there would be few tears shed in the industry if Washington were engulfed in a bath of nuclear fire."
Scientists pegged the explosion at around 100 kilotons. "I nearly dropped my latte when I saw the seismometer" explained University of Kenya geophysicist Dr. Whoops Blammover, "At first I thought it was Mt. Kilimanjaro, and I was thinking, damn, there goes the mountain bike vacation."
In Washington, the US Government (that part which is boycotting the previously announced takeover) would boycott all WRLB & Associates products indefinitely. Minutes later, the acting President (since Clinton now works for WRLB) reversed his decision. "We've tried sanctions since lunchtime, and they don't work," said the President. Instead, the administration will initiate a policy of "constructive engagement" with WRLB & Associates.
WRLB & Associate's Chief Technology Officer “Dusty” said the test justified WRLB & Associate's recent acquisition of the Hanford Nuclear Reservation from the US Government. Rumors suggest a second weapons development project is underway in California, headed by a WRLB & Associates subdivision. "They're doing all of the development work for “Special Brew #8”," said one source close to the project.
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