I'M SICK...
By Jonathan P. Bernick
The Frumious Bandersnatch
I'm taking the day off and calling in sick.
I'm sick of the Clinton administration. I'm sick of a poll-driven presidency, and
I'm sick of a pole-driving president. For that matter, I'm sick of a president who
degrades and abuses women, and of the so-called feminists who line up to sing his
praises. There must be backorders out for presidential kneepads.
I'm sick of hearing the word "Lewinsky" used as a verb.
I'm sick of a society where a nose ring is a political statement and a wedding ring
is meaningless.
I'm sick of a Republican party that is its own worst enemy, and I'm sick of
Geraldo Rivera gunning for the number-two spot.
I'm sick of politicians who are elected as conservatives and then "grow in office;"
i.e., become statist apparatchiks. The only thing that should grow in an office is a
houseplant.
I'm also sick of the Clinton administration. I'm sick of White House staff who call
Hustler a "newsmagazine," and I'm sick of the pornmonger who runs Hustler
trying to be White House staff. And I'm sick of a press that can't tell the
difference.
I'm sick of clueless columnists like Robert (brother of Janet) Reno, who wrote, "If
we could get the hormone-crazed adolescents of America to behave as responsibly
as the president and Lewinsky, we could wipe out the scourge of teen-age
pregnancy." Perhaps, but just think of the drycleaning bills.
I'm far more sick of New York City-based bilemeister Jimmy Breslin, who spewed
forth "I have never trusted anybody who comes from south of Newark, and it
always has been a good standard, because the South never did anything for this
city except to take our tax money and promote lousiness with it." Maybe he
means the South Bronx.
I'm sick of cretinous commentators who vilify congressmen that vote to uphold the
rule of law as "partisan." Apparently partisanship is a sin that only Republicans
can commit.
I'm thoroughly sick of watching the "non-partisan" Democrats redefine
themselves by rallying around a president they know is guilty as hell. Although
"The Party of Perjury and Corruption" does have a nice ring to it.
I'm sick of judges who interpret the Constitution in every manner but the intended
one. A word of advice: The right to keep and bear arms is listed. The "rights" to
government handouts, recreational drug use, and abortion are not. End of story.
I'm sick of a public that doesn't know the difference between impeachment and
removal, and doesn't have the guts for either one.
I am sick beyond words with anyone who justifies the abolishment of our basic
liberties as being "for the children."
I'm sick of a media that demonizes the Religious Right and canonizes the
Religious Left. Some of us Hymies have long memories, Reverend Jackson.
I'm sick of Senators who take a solemn oath to evaluate evidence impartially, and
then say that they will never vote to remove the president under any
circumstances. Now I understand why those guys think that "honor" is two words.
Did I mention that I was sick of the Clinton administration? I'm sick of a president
who is shameless and a nation that is unashamed. I'm especially sick of a
president who promised to appoint a cabinet that "looks like America," and
proceded to fill his offices with every kleptomaniacal carpetbagging crony he could
find. And I'm sick in my heart that, considering the nation's indifference to the
miasma of mendacity that permeates this band of bumf-shufflers, he may have
kept his promise.
Most of all, I'm sick that more people aren't sick. |
